Why I worry about her...

I worry about my little girl. I'm not saying that I don't worry about my son because I do. But my little girl is in a different situation than my son. My son knows his dad and they see each other quit often. They have a close relationship and it shows with him. My son is surrounded with love everywhere. From both sides of the family.

My daughter on the other hand, has it harder. It's more difficult for her. She has met her biological father a few times. But there is no close relationship there. And believe it or not, I can see it in her. She is lacking in a department I know nothing about.

I am told that I was my dads little girl. Yet growing up, I never felt it. And to this day, we are not a close family. I will say that I am super close to my Grandma and my brother. I just started talking with my parents a couple years ago. And I think it is because of my kids that I decided to take the wall down a little. Let's just say that I have forgiven, but it's still hard to forget. I did not have a NORMAL childhood and I am ok with that now. But it took a long time to get there.

Like I was saying. I worry about my daughter. As a grown woman, I can see in her what I was lacking as a child. And that was a father. My daughter is almost 4 now and the only consistent male role model for her has been my sons father. Somehow, he became fond of her and she became fond of him. Every time he would come to pick my son up, she would get all excited. She still does. He would take the few extra minutes to hang around and play with her. Make her smile and giggle out loud. Before I knew it, holidays would come and he would think of her and pick her up something. My son and my daughter love each other sooo much. And she hates it when he leaves. Then I started noticing that my daughter began calling my sons father, daddy. Ohh, how confusing this must be for her, I keep thinking. But she hears my son call him daddy, so she thinks she should. He has no problem with it at all... As a matter of fact, I have seen his face light up when she calls him daddy. He has even asked me if this would change if I were to get back with the father and I told him that I was her mother and nothing would change if he did not want it to. I think we both wanted reassurance. He wants her in his life and I want what is best for my daughter. And so far, he has been consistent.

I'm in a place I have never been before. I have one father that loves his son and another father that has not and won't take the time to know his daughter. Do I continue letting her call him daddy, even though he's not? She is very aware that she has two daddies. She has even said it. Do I break ties off between them completely ? Will that do more damage? She knows him as daddy. I know as a little girl what I did not have. And I want my daughter to have that closeness with a male role model. Someone to look up to and teach her the things that only a man can. I just want my daughter to be happy and healthy. Have I allowed something to happen that should not have ? So many questions and very little answers. This is why I worry about her......

About Single Moms !

If being a mother is a labor of love, then being a single mother requires double the labor and double the love. Without a father around, single mothers have to give twice the hugs, twice the affection, and twice the attention, with half the time, half the energy and often, half the resources.
Just about everyone knows a single mom. The U.S. Census Bureau says almost a third of all U.S. children are being raised in a single-parent home headed by a woman. But do we ever look beyond the statistics and think about what it really takes to parent without a partner?
Some of the highest hurdles single moms face are financial, the day-to-day challenges of meeting basic needs. Only half the mothers due child support get the full amount; 25 percent get nothing at all. Therefore it’s not surprising that almost 50 percent of single moms and their children live in poverty, compared to eight percent of families with a married mom and dad.
And whatever your opinion of single motherhood, most women who are single parents probably didn’t set out with that as a goal. Divorce accounts for 46 percent of all single parent households, unwed mothers 25 percent, marital separation 21 percent, and death of a spouse seven percent. But no matter why a mother is on her own, we need to encourage these women and the 14 million children living in their homes.
We should all consider how we can make the day in and day out job of single parenting easier. If a single mother also works outside the home, her mom duties resume as soon as she walks in her front door. Want to see her face light up? Fix dinner for her family and have it ready when she arrives.
Childcare demands are also tougher when it’s only mom doing the picking up and dropping off for ballet, baseball, or band practice. Find out who the single moms are among your children’s circle of friends, and see if you can take some of their taxi duty. Perhaps you can help a single mom by mowing her yard, running an errand for her, or washing her car. You can even get your own children involved. In the process, they’ll learn lessons in kindness, hospitality, and giving.
If you really want to make her day, offer to watch her kids while she spends an evening with a friend or a relaxing day at the park or beach. It’s tough being a single mother and not always easy to ask for help.
So on this Mother’s Day, think about the challenging ways that single moms’ lives are different from other mothers’. Then think about how they are the same. All mothers have hopes and dreams for their children, but single mothers have to do their hoping and dreaming alone.
Mark W Merrill is president of Family First, an independent, non-profit research and communications organization dedicated to strengthening the family.
© Mark W. Merrill. All rights reserved.

I was the roller coaster queen...

Ok, it's that time of the year when I take my kids to this huge indoor amusement park. They advertise this for about a month on tv and I'm sure that it drives all the moms just as crazy as myself. LOL

Back in the day, (many days) I was the roller coaster queen. I remember going to Geauga Lake with my friend Lori and her family. We stayed all day and night until closing. And we did nothing but get on roller coaster after roller coaster. And all the rides that would spin and throw you around were the best. The more nauseous, the better.

My how things have changed. And I noticed it after I had my son. I took him to his first carnival. I stood in line for the merry go round. As I was waiting in line, watching the kids on the ride, I started feeling a little queasy. I remember thinking that maybe I needed to get something to eat. I grabbed my son and held him while we slowly started moving around in a circle. We began picking up speed and I began feeling really sick... LOL I remember hearing these stories from other women and it was then that I realized it was happening to me as well.

Let's fast forward a few years to last year, 2006. I took both of my kids to this same indoor amusement park and there I was, looking at little baby rides for my daughter and feeling all the motion sickness from just standing there watching these rides everywhere go round and round. It was official, I had changed.... I was no longer the thrill queen that loved to spin around. I could not even watch a merry go round anymore. I was getting older.... LOL

So here it is, 2 days to go and I am taking the kids back to this amusement park. So while my kids are out there being the thrill seekers that they are, I will be sitting on the sidelines with a paper bag in my hand... LMAO...

Did you ever have one of those days?

Sometimes, especially after a day like today, I find I am asking myself, " And I want to be a work at home mom, because......." ? LOL. My daughter was like a sneaky cat all day. Jumping off the couch to the table, to the chair and then pouncing on me every time I would walk past her. My son, must have bumped his head and thought it was football season (indoor) and would tackle me down every chance he got. (yea, I thought I would be easy on him)... By 10:00 a.m. I was ready for a nap....LOL

They would start out so loving to each other. Wanting to play and be together. And as fast I could blink my eye, they were like little terrors to each other. She would and come and tell on him because he was looking at her and then he would come and tell on her because she blinked at him . Uugghhhh !!! Later, my son wanted to go over a friends house. And I had told him no since he was giving me a hard time with everything. I could not believe what I heard. He looked at me and said " if you let me go, I will be good the rest of the night". Well, this was not a good deal for me since he only had 70 minutes before he went to bed. So, I had to sit down and have a little talk with my dear son and explain how I don't negotiate behavior. As for my daughter, she tried the same thing again tonight. Something new that she learned. She has figured out that right as I am getting her in bed, that's when she decides that she needs to go potty, make sure the front door is closed, decide what shoes she is wearing the next day, changes her clothes one last time, and then, yes, I have to give her however may hugs, kisses and high fives... It makes for a long night when she wants 20 hugs, 10 kisses and 100 high fives... LOL

Today, I accomplished alot with my business, in between breaking up the fights, cooking, cleaning and having quality discussions with my kids as to why they are not allowed to run the neighborhood like "little Johnny" down the street. All in all, it was a productive day.

Then came my little girl...

Where to start.... She is a girl. LOL. I don't care what anyone says, boys are easier. My son was always so laid back, easy going, happy go lucky and loved to laugh. He still is. I would take him around the room and point at everything and make him say it back to me. I would read to him all the time. And even spell things for him. I really was the role model of a mom. I had it all together. I was the ideal work at home mom.

My daughter is soooo opposite. I had a hard pregnancy with her. And my stress level was at it's MAX !!! Ohh, by the way, did I mention that she had colic up until she was 10 weeks old? Boy, that was a fun little ride. ( NOT ). I'm not sure if that contributed to her being so set in her ways and so stubborn. Or, as I am learning, she is just like me when I was her age. Boy the crazy things I did. Popping a couple coins and swallowing them was nothing for me. I guess I would stick bobby pins in the light sockets and get a little zap. I would cry and then go do it again... LOL (maybe that explains the bad choices I used to continue making over and over again). And I was known for climbing the metal antenna that was clamped to the side of our house. I would shimmy my way up to the roof of the house trying to hide, knowing my mom was scared of heights and would not get me down. She would have to call my dad and have him come and rescue me down. Now, I look at my little girl. So beautiful. So unique. Yet, she scares me. I worry about things with her that I have not worried about with my son. I wonder if she is going to be the rebellious type. Will she get involved with drugs, alcohol, the wrong men, an eating disorder. Remember, she is only 3. So to give you an example of how she is, here is the scenario. It was morning. we were all getting ready and I asked my daughter if she was getting dressed. She came into the bathroom where I was, looked up at me and put her little hands on her hip, saying, " I am dressed, duh ".... Omg, the attitude..... LOL

Currently, I am not a work at home mom. I am working towards that goal. I know that I need to be here, now, more than ever. And, my business that I work a few hours every weeks, is slowly getting me there. I see the progress. And I know where I will be. Thank you, to my children, for keeping me grounded, focused and devoted. I love you both, forever and ever, and always.....

A Poem For All Moms

A Mother's Love:

There is no love, like a mother's love, no stronger bond on earth...like the precious bond that comes from God,to a mother, when she gives birth. A mother's love is forever strong,never changing for all time...and when her children need her most, a mother's love will shine. God bless these special mothers, God bless them every one...for all the tears and heartache, and for the special work they've done. When her days on earth are over, a mother's love lives on...through many generations,with God's blessings on each one. Be thankful for our mothers, for they love with a higher love...from the power God has given, and the strength from up above.


By Jill Lemming**

What's Next ?

I ask myself that question so often, (what's next) ? Life is one hurdle after another. I feel like I am missing something. I know I have to be here for another reason that I am not seeing. I really have this drive in me to become more than I already am. To help people. To make a difference with other people and my children as well. I used to be so focused. Nothing could distract me. Nothing wrong could happen to me. I was invincible. This was years ago, though. Back then it was just me and my son. And I was a stay at home mom, working a different business and all was right in my life. At least that's how I appeared to everyone on the outside. There is something about having your first child. Being a mom for the first time. My son was planned. And I loved being pregnant. I remember pushing my stomach out even further than it was.... LOL ...I got into the routine of drinking a glass of orange juice every morning, sitting down, and rubbing my stomach, just to make (junior) kick. Then I would sing to him... OMG, how I should never have done that to him....lol. My son came by cesarean . Boy did that take awhile to re coop from. His dad was the first to hold him. I still remember feeling left out, like I did all the work and he got to be the first to hold this tiny new life that has been growing inside of me. I remember even thinking that they always show the mother holding the baby first, and then thinking, why wasn't I ? But once I held him for the first time, it was truly, love at first sight. I NEVER know you could fall in love with your own child. But I did.

I remember video taping him for hours at a time. I still have the tapes and look them over. He would just be sleeping and I would stand over him with this big video camera, taping him as he was sleeping. Feeling so happy inside with every breath he took. The light of the camera would kick on and he would then wake up and act a little fussy, seeing me and some large equipment right in front of him, hovering over him, with me making these silly, happy faces at him. LOL. Ohh boy, the nightmares he would have....

And that's pretty much how it was up until he was 6. We were inseparable. He was my bud. I even called the radio station and dedicated a song to my son and taped it for him. When he is older, maybe married, he will get that tape along with many other things I have done for him.
The name of the song was Sammy Kershaw's, You are the love of my life.

So I Guess I'm Supposed To Let It Out ?

Ok, this blogging thing is new to me. But Here I go... (LOL)But I know deep inside that there is someone that understands how hard it is being a single parent. My married friends just don't get it. They tell me I am the lucky one because I don't have to answer to anyone or put up with thier partners stuff. ( If only they knew ). I do answer to someone, all the time. Every move I make from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed, I am answering to someone. My boss at work (and we butt heads alot), my kids at home, other co-workers, and, even friends.
Even the bagger at my grocery store bugs me (asks questions) would you like paper or plastic ! Funny thing is, I do want paper and yet I never see it out.... LOL.
I keep biting my tongue at work, (VERY HARD).... I just know that my day is soon coming where I can walk in and tell her what I really think and inform her that I quit and as I am walking out the door, singing, ( I'm free at last ) . I get up every day, hating this job. I have never felt this way before. I feel like I am going backwards in my life. I should be so much further in my work-life (career). And at one time, I was. I was the ultimate work at home mom that managed everything precisely. But since the MAJOR event happened in my life, I have somehow gone backwards. But that's ok, I tell myself. I know where I will be.

A Prayer For Children

We pray for the children who sneak Popsicles before supper, who erase holes in math workbooks, who can never find their shoes. And we pray for those who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire, who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers, who never "counted potatoes," who never go to the circus, who live in an X-rated world.We pray for children who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions, who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money. And we pray for those who never get dessert, who have no safe blanket to drag behind them, who watch their parents watch them die, who can't find any bread to steal, who don't have any rooms to clean up, whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser, whose monsters are real. We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday, who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food, who like ghost stories, who shove dirty clothes under the bed, who never rinse out the tub, who get visits from the tooth fairy, who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool, who squirm in church and scream in the phone, whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry. And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime, who will eat anything, who have never seen a dentist, who aren't spoiled by anybody, who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep, who live and move, but have no being. We pray for children who want to be carried and for those who must, who we never give up on and for those who don't get a second chance. For those we smother and...for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.

By Ina Hughes

Home-Based Business vs. Second Job

Home-Based Business vs. Second Job -- The Choice is Yours

Many families today rely on two incomes to pay their bills not being able to make ends meet month to month. They face several options to secure that extra income they need, one being obtaining a part-time job and the other a home-based business. It’s a decision with advantages and disadvantages to each. I want to provide some suggestions to help you make the right choice.
When deciding between a standard second job and a home-based business, it is important to consider the expenses incurred in both. For those considering a second job, many do not take into account the numerous extra expenses that go along with childcare, clothing, gas, etc. Crown Financial Ministries offers a worksheet online (http://www.crown.org/Tools/mommake.asp ) to help you determine how much you will actually make once these expenses are deducted from your income. By breaking it down and seeing the guideline, you can see just how much extra you really bring home each week.
A home-based business also incurs expenses, but most of your business related expenses will be at least partially tax deductible. The IRS looks favorably on home-based businesses. The more money that you save with legitimate tax deductions, the more finances you’ll have to increase the size of your business. This in turn creates more revenue for the IRS.
A home-based business can also offer flexibility that a second job cannot. You can work from the comfort of your home – often in your pajamas if you choose. You can work the days you want and the hours you need. Your schedule is up to you! For example, Diana Ennen, author Virtual Assistant the Series, Become a Highly Successful, Sought After VA http://www.virtualwordpublishing.com/, states, “I enjoy the flexibility my home-based business provides. You can easily wake up at 5:30 a.m. to work or work until 2:00 a.m. whatever fits your personality. Many people enjoy it because they can start work after they have put the kids the bed and work a couple hours and earn extra money without having to hire a babysitter. Plus, it's all in the comfort of your own home. No costs on dry-cleaning, travel to work, gas expenses, etc., and you can't beat the one minute commute to the office!”
Allowing your family to be a part of the business is another benefit that not many jobs can compete with and thus another positive benefit to home-based businesses. Depending on the type of home-based business you choose, there may be small jobs that your children can assist with in the daily operations. These include: Helping prepare your mailings, preparing packages if you have a direct mail company, or even answering the phone - depending on their age. Your spouse can also be a part of your business and may be able to help run the business when you are not able to be at home.
Helping others be successful working from home is another great perk of being a part of a home-based business. Most home-based businesses allow you to build a team of people to work along side you. Finding other people that are interested in owning a business and then helping them succeed is satisfying and can be financially rewarding as well.
There are, of course, negative aspects about working from home. The success of your business depends solely on you. You need to be determined, efficient and organized to be successful. You must take the time to work at the business or you will not see the additional income that you desire. It can be very easy to let your business slide when you are tired or feeling discouraged. However, if you are aware of these temptations, you can create a plan to overcome them when they arise.
The benefits of a home-based business can many times override the work and time you must devote. When compared to the expenses occurred by taking a second job it is a great alternative. Because of the tax breaks when operating a home-based business, it is many times a more profitable option. You may not make a million, but it may allow you the freedom and income that you need to make life a little easier. Even with the disadvantages, many who work-at-home wouldn’t have it any other way. I hope this helps you make the right decision for you and your family.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jill Hart is the founder and editor of Christian Work at Home Moms, CWAHM.com, and the author of the e-book, The Two Week Devotional Journey for Christian Work at Home Moms. The CWAHM.com website is dedicated to providing moms with free resources to aid them in their work at home search. The site also provides current work at home moms with opportunities to promote their businesses while at the same time providing them spiritual encouragement and articles. E-mail Jill at jill@cwahm.com for additional information or stop by her site at www.cwahm.com.

Christian Work at Home Moms