Sunday, July 22, 2007

Are you living each day to the fullest?

I was just asked that question recently. And, I hesitated in answering. My answer was NO. I want to. I look forward to doing that..... Living each day to the fullest. But right now I'm not.

And where do I start? How do I do that? Is there a class I can take? LOL Seriously, I don't know how. I don't even know what it's like to RELAX..... And I am very serious about that.

I wake up, get the kids and myself ready, go to work, come home, take care of my kids and the house and get to work on my home business. I very rarely take a break from my business. And when I do, it's to take my kids somewhere that they want to go.

I am looking towards the future. Busting my butt to get to where I want us to be. I can see it, I can taste it. But meanwhile, I do feel like my kids are being short changed from me.

My goal is to ultimately be here full time, running my business and be able to go on field trips, take them places, spend extra money...... All with my kids. I want to buy us a house and go on vacation.

But there are those moments when I look at my son or daughter and they say something..... As if they were an adult...... And I'm left feeling stunned... Like, where did they get that from? LOL. Even though I am here in the same house with them, I feel like I miss things with them.

How do people do it? Live life to the fullest. Sure, I would like to ride a bull for 8.2 seconds and go sky diving for the first time, but when am I supposed to fit that in? LOL

Ok, just a thought. I know I am not the only mother that feels this way. It would be nice to hear back from those that are in my situation and those that have changed it and are living life to the fullest.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Is He Daddy Or Father?

Well, it appears that my daughters ...... I will call him donor, has vanished. He has quit his job and stopped paying any child support. The last payment was $46.00 on April 2nd, 2007. A mutual friend tells me he is still around but that's all I know.

I don't understand the difference between father and daddy. Are they not the same? How is one title different than the other? To me, he was just a donor. I really never thought I would look at him that way. He was stepping up, paying child support (and not much I might say).....We kept our conversations civilized. But I looked at him like a responsible parent. Now, I can't even do that.

And now here she is, my daughter, calling someone else daddy... In a way, it makes me sad that she does not really know her biological (dad), (father). How can he not want to know her. Ask about her, wonder about her.......... But he doesn't. And he never has. And I wonder how this will affect her, as she calls someone else (my sons father) daddy.......

I am so thankful that there is someone stepping up, loving it and remaining a constant part of her life. I understand how little girls really NEED their father. And even though Mr. Tree Man is not her biological father, she loves him....... Boy, does she love him. She asks me when he will pick her up from preschool, instead of me..... When will she get to see him again.....When can she call him..... I am thankful for the unspoken agreement that we have between us concerning my daughter. I believe that he will be there for her for as long as she needs him and in some way they both are in need of this.....Enjoying this special relationship that they have, even though he is not her biological dad and I am not even with him anymore.

As weird of a situation this seems to be, she is happy and he seems as happy as well..... And I can only go by that......

I'm taking a break from dating right now. I do that every now and then... LOL And it's time again. I am re-focused on my business and my kids. All I want to say about dating is, that it's
either there or it's not.......

That's all I have right now..... But I will be back!