Tuesday, October 30, 2007

So now what ?

Well, the official dead line was today. My daughters donor was supposed to make 3 months of payments by today or the state will suspend his drivers license. He was threatened with this a few months back and it worked. He only had to pay 1 month of child support, though. I called at the end of the day and no payment was received. So, come tomorrow morning, he will not be able to drive. ( I know better though), he still will.

I guess I am REALLY fired up about this. After you have been screwed over so many times, you are just sooo ready to take a stand and say enough. And it just so happens that all this ( I'm fed up crap ) is going to come down on him. I have had enough of tolerating and putting up with.

So this is what will happen. His license will be suspended tomorrow morning. He will still drive. Now, I could tip off the police department about his suspension. But what good will that do? They pull him over and he will go to jail for the night, at most. His sister will bail him out. (she always does). But, he will have to pay a fine, and pay the back child support in order to get his license back.

Or the other option is I can sit back and wait until the state court hearing... Which is January 3rd. The certified letter was already sent to him. He should receive it tomorrow. The difficult thing is he is not going to sign for anything. So, I am told that if he does not sign, there is nothing that anyone can do.

See, he made an agreement with CSEA the last time and said that he would keep up with his payments. But he has not done that. So now he is in contempt. Which is why there will be a hearing. But if he does not sign for it, then nothing can happen. I just don't get it.

We have a few mutual friends. And I am told that he still around. He has hooked up with some girl. I can only hope that she keeps him around in this area. Otherwise, he will be long gone.

Now, let's talk Halloween..... Yippeee!!! I LOVE taking my kids trick or treating. They are only in it for the candy (can you blame them). LOL But I'm in it for the power walk I get to do. On any other night I can't get my kids to walk, even if the house was on fire.... LMAO
But tomorrow night, I will be the one having a hard time keeping up. I love it.

My sons father took both my son and my daughter to get their costumes. Of course, my son went with something scary. But of ALL the costumes for little girls.... Like a princess, fairy, Belle, Cinderella, anything, what does she pick ? She comes back in a spiderman costume. Why, Why, Why ? LOL . Will my little girl ever be a little girl ?

I'm sure this is just a funny phase..... ( I hope ). I know one thing. If she had seen a John Cena costume (wrestler) she would have picked that. I guess I can live with Spiderman. LOL

Ok, I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween. I know I will... I will be walking behind all the kids with my own bag, cutting the bottoms of their bags and taking their candy. ROFLMAO !

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Let's see what happens now.....

Well, it appears that my daughters donor has received a letter from CSEA, informing him that he has until tomorrow ( Monday, October 29th) to make 3 months of child support payments or the state will suspend his drivers license. I am at the point where I no longer have sympathy. I can't quit my job when ever I feel like it. I can't throw my arms up and say that I no longer want to be a parent. Or I no longer want to deal with responsibilities.

Last week was a bad week for me. Preschool called me on Wednesday to let me know that my daughter had a fever and I needed to pick her up. Which also meant that she would not be at school the following day since the policy is that a child has to be fever free for 24 hours. So I knew I would miss work on Thursday. So I thought I would kill 2 birds with 1 stone. My van has needed to be worked on for some time now. So I got in the garage on Thursday and thought I would be able to pick it up Thursday night. Well, it was not ready. So I ended up missing work a half a day on Friday until I got a ride to pick my van up. (which is still not right). So I ended up missing 2 full days of work. Ugghhh !!!!!

So see, I don't have much compassion for someone that does not get it. For someone that is willing to let the other parent take the hardship without thinking twice about it. He really has no clue.

On another note, I am going out with someone I have known for about 4 years this coming weekend. It's been awhile since I have seen him. We have stayed in touch all these years and thought it might be a good thing to get out together.... We'll see how it goes.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

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Sunday, October 14, 2007

The sadness in her eyes.....

I was at my sons football game yesterday.... (Yes, I plan on putting some pictures up). And one of the moms started talking with me. I introduced myself to her and shook her hand. She seemed nice enough. But as soon as she started talking, I could smell all this alcohol coming from her. Then she began commenting on how my little girl was soo pretty and how her little girl was... Let's see, her exact words were "the devil". OMG, I was shocked to hear any mother say that their child was the devil.

I understand that we all get frustrated and that our kids learn to push our buttons. And I even know that we allow it. Well, I do. And I also know that my daughter IS very hard. She is set in her way. She will do things her way, even if it's wrong, not wanting any help. I've told my friends how she is. But I have not said any of this in front of her. I could not imagine saying such hurtful things to my children.

Well, as we were leaving, this lady came up to me with her little daughter. She had to be about 7 or 8 years old. She turned to look at me and the mother introduced her daughter to me as her "little devil". And then started telling me how she does not listen and disobeys her and that she was the perfect child, then saying that she could only wish. I stood there watching this little girl, looking at her mom, with such sadness. The little girl did not say anything. Not a word. She was just looking up at her mom, as if wondering why her mom did not love her. She had such sadness in her eyes. I can't explain it.

I did not know what to say or do... How to react. I just walked to the girl and put my arms around her and rubbing her back, looking at the mother and telling her that she had a beautiful little girl who will be just fine.

Obviously this bothers me. I am still thinking about it today. And I wish I had said different things to the mother. I really wanted to shake the mother and ask her if she really could not see what she was doing to her daughter? But I didn't. I really wanted to hug that little girl, not just rub her back. And tell her that she is perfect the way she is. But I didn't.

I am not the perfect mom. I make alot of mistakes. But I have a great relationship with my son As far as him telling me things. He is always talking with me about things that he does not want this person to know or that person to know. I want him to be able to come to me with anything and I want him to know it's ok. Lately he has been going through this mouthy thing. But I remember it. I used to do it. Anything I ask him is "in a minute" or "not just yet". The only real complaint I have about my son is all this football and wrestling stuff he takes out on his sister. Now, she is growing into a mini wrestler/football player.

My children are blessings. I may not feel that or think that every day but I do know. I am lucky to have my kids. And it is because of them that I strive for so much more. That I check myself to make sure that I am giving them My attention.... My heart.... My positive words... My unconditional love.

To all the little boys and girls that have looked up to their mother or father and been spoken down to as if they were no good..... As the tears roll down my cheeks , I give you all a hug from me. Someone you don't even know does care about you and how you feel.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I now know the secret.

A friend of mine had burned a dvd for me. It was called "The Secret". So I put it in my dvd player, and I can honestly say that I was intrigued. I could not stop watching it. So now I am telling everyone about it. I just can't stop.

It's like this. I have always been a lucky person. And in spite of past bad things, I have always been able to remain positive. But when I watched this dvd, I had a light bulb moment.

As I have said in past posts, I do believe that you create your future. If you are negative, you will create negative. But it was not until I watched this dvd that I REALLY understood this process.

I found that with the way things have been going lately, I have been thinking negative. My daughters donor has up and moved. So not only has he NOT been paying child support for sooo many months, he up and moved. LUCKILY, I know how to search. And I found that he is living in Garfield Heights. Yet, child support has to serve him papers in person for contempt of court. And since I don't have a street address (yet) there is nothing they can do.

My van has been giving me problems lately. And I just can't seem to catch a break.

I do now see that if you continue to think about the negative, the bad that is happening, that only creates more negative.... Bad things to happen. The goal is to take those negative things that have happened and somehow, turn them into something positive. Because then you can FEEL positive for the way you are thinking. You need to have your feelings in-tune with your thoughts. You can't be thinking " Ohh my god, how am I going to pay this bill" and feeling good about it. It does not work. You also can't be thinking "Ohh well, what's one more bill" and then think to yourself, "how am I gonna pay this"?

Your thoughts NEED to be the same as your feelings, in order for this to work.

I am also a believer that you can heal yourself. Even with something as terminal as cancer, I believe that as long as you stay positive in your thoughts, and in your heart, you can heal yourself. And this is something close to me since cancer does run in my family.

So that's all I have tonight. Go out and rent "The Secret". See if it makes a different for you.
Good luck trying to get it though, I hear everyone is out.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

The struggles of single parenting.....

A friend of mine, Marilyn had wrote this article. And I wanted to share it with everyone. Being a parent IS the toughest job in the world. Now I'm sure we can all agree on that. We are not given an instruction manual or a "how to" book. However, if you are a good parent, you really won't need those anyway. LOL

A single mom does have it even a little tougher. And I am referring to the REAL single moms. The moms that don't have a partner in their life. (whether you choose to have it that way or not). I choose it that way for a reason. I am determined to create my future. And I will do it by myself. As I have stated in previous posts, I will not let anyone stand in my way. Which is my choice. After I create what I want, and where I want to be, then I will put myself out there and date again. LOL

Managing time is a little hard. There just is not enough time in a day to get everything done that needs to be done. But I keep at it every day.

I just want the single moms to know that there is light at the end of your tunnel. Whatever you are striving for, don't lose faith in your goal, your dream. Keep focused and take it as each day comes. Just believe and don't give up.

Marilyns Story

I wish I had the opportunity to work from home while I was working and raising my children. Looking back, I really don’t know how I managed a full time job, softball games, Girl Scouts, swimming lessons, dance classes and so on. If you are reading this you know that there are not enough hours in a day to do all of these things and then have time to really enjoy your children. In today’s society if you walk up to a woman and ask what is her career, if the answer is," I’m a stay-at-home mom" people might tend to look down on her. But if she is a working mom, they ask, how do you do it all? This happens to many women and it makes it harder for them to choose between their children and work. The advantages for a stay-at-home mother are a tremendous feeling of fulfillment, the thought of being important and needed. The gratification she receives from knowing she is giving her children a strong moral foundation and a pleasure of giving as well as seeing her children grow, and being an integral part of their lives. There are also conflicts for that stay-at-home mom. She may not have a sense of fulfillment, feeling her life is limited and she is trapped. She may also feel that being at home makes her lose her "self" and not having a high self-worth. My children are grown and married now but I feel that I need to help other Christian Stay at Home Mothers and Grandmothers and Boomers nurture the children who will change the world. We are a group of Christian Mothers, Stay at Home Moms, Working Moms, Single mothers and WAHMs coming together for support and encouragement.

Thank you for sharing Marilyn.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Enough is Enough.

Talk about a black cloud hanging over someone..... That's me, right now! I don't get it. I am a good person with a good heart. I help anyone and everyone out when I can. I was ALWAYS the person someone came to. But lately, I am being tested way more.

I have heard the saying and know the saying very well....."You are never given more than you can handle" or "You are just being tested to see how strong you are". Well, I think I have proven that I am REALLY strong and will keep going on. After my childhood (I will get into at a later date) after getting custody of my brother and sister, helping to raise my step son, getting a divorce, working 2 jobs to keep my house, (only to end up losing it down the road) splitting up with my sons father, enduring a very messy custody battle, having my daughters father just up and quit work and not pay child support, all the problems with my van lately...... ENOUGH..... I am still moving on, frustrated, but moving on.

If you ever feel like you will never get out from under the black cloud, just know that there is someone in your life that you can turn to.... Someone you may never expect.... There is someone there for everyone. You may not even know it until you have to ask for help. There was someone there for me, I did ask and I did receive.

Ok, on a happier note....LOL I am planning on putting up some pics of my brother and ,myself when we were little.... The resemblance of my brother and my son when they were both the same age is astonishing....As well as my daughter and myself when I was her age.... WOW ! I will get the pics up soon....

To everyone, have a good night.