Tuesday, September 30, 2008

He'll Show Me!!!

It's been awhile since I have posted about child support, dead beat dads and issues like that.
And in the past I have had quit a bit to say on the subject since I am going through a dead beat dad/no child support issue myself.

For a little while he was making payments.... I guess since child support enforcement stepped in and took his drivers license away. The only way to get his license back was to pay a certain amount and keep up with it.

Well, now I have a new issue. Back in August, out of the blue, he had called me to see if he could take our daughter to a family reunion. I have not heard from him in soooo long. Aside from leaving songs playing on my voice mail. And the last call from him was when he was pulled over and the cop was there, while he called me for help.

I could tell that he had been drinking already....Yes, I know for sure. I know him. And he asked to take her to his family reunion. At first I told him that would be ok as long as he brought her right back afterwards. He told me that he would keep her all night and that she would be ok. And that he was not bringing her back that night.

I then did not feel comfortable. I know my daughter. She WILL cry to come home and he is not willing to bring her back. Plus, I could tell he had already started drinking and I really don't think he could take car of her. She would be among strangers..... It has been a couple years since she has seen him. And she does not know anyone else in his family.

I even tried explaining to him that he needs to be consistent in her life.... Not come and go for years at a time. That she does not know him and he needs to have her comfortable with him. He then told me that he would be over in a couple hours to get her. I told him that was fine as long as he promised to bring her back because I KNOW she will want to come back. He said he was not coming back and that he would bring her home the next day. So I did it..... I said NO.....

I am her mother.... I am the one raising her.... I take care of her..... I know her......It is up to me to make the decisions in her best interest. I even called my sons dad and asked for his opinion and we both seemed to agree.... He needs to get to know her. He is a stranger to her. And she would not stay.... She would want to come home.

So the latest news on this is that he did leave a message on my voicemail and told me that I will NOT get another cent and that he will see her when she's 18 years old.

At least he's holding his word. So far, not a cent. He has notified child support that he quit his job and is no longer going to pay.

If only he could realize that he does need to get to know her..... I look at my little girl and my heart aches for her that she does not know her biological dad......And yet on the other hand, I tell myself that he's not the best role model for her either.... But he is her dad and should know him. Why can't he see that he needs to take this in baby steps? Get to know her..... Let her trust in him.

I am very thankful for my sons father...... He has been the consistent male role model that every little girl needs. She calls him daddy, and always has.... Again, I think it's because she sees my son call him daddy when he picks him up, so she thinks the same of him. They took to one another and have become close. I think in her heart she knows that he's not her real dad.... I have talked with her.... But in her heart, he is her daddy. He has been there for her and she does love him.

If only her dad would see that he is really hurting her.....But I guess his point is that "He'll show me".

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