Thursday, December 3, 2009

Selective Hearing

I'm discussing a little tonight about people with selective hearing. I'm sure we all know someone that this applies to. Shoot, I've even been accused of it.

I am comfortable talking about this here because the person I will be referring to, does not even know about this blog.

I have a dear friend that I care about. And I am glad to call her my friend. But, aside from all the gossiping she does, I've noticed that she does not really pay attention when people talk to her.
I'd guess you say, she tunes in and out. She even admits that she does this.

I get a phone call from her last night that she was discussing me and my kids with a member of the family. Somehow she is on this Christmas kick and began discussing how my sons father needs to do more at Christmas for these kids and not worry about other families.

Whoa! I stopped her right there. Throughout this whole blog, I have always said and will continue to say how there is no better father that my sons father. And the way he takes to my little girl is such a blessing as well. All the years that I have been blogging, I have never said anything negative about his being a dad. He does more than alot of other dads.

So I stopped her right there. She brought up a toy that my little girl received, where I made a funny comment about it and she took what I said and twisted it to be negative and then told the family member about this.

Which, by the way... All of this is being told to my sons father!

She then continues to tell me how she also mentioned a couple good comments... Like how my sons father is still the love of my life... Another WHOA!!!!

I stop her immediately and ask her why she would say that... She said that was what she heard me say in the past.. I had to point out to her that what I said was "I have only been in love once, and that was with my sons father".... I never said he is the love of my life. Sure, I care about him and don't want anything bad to happen to him... But he is not the love of my life! There is a difference.

She also begins to tell me that she did mention something nice that I said...I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, listening. She mentioned how I sad that the girlfriend is good for my sons father... That she does seem to make him happy.

Now, how can she get that part right and everything else messed up? She called me up telling me that this family member went ahead and told my sons father all about the things I "said"...(Which I did not say). And that she wanted to give me heads up about it. She also seemed upset that the family member took what she told him and went to my sons father with it.

I really do believe that after all this time, my sons father knows where my heart is....That I would not say those type of negative things. But I am also worried that the girlfriend would hear this crap and think that I still want to make moves on my ex.... Which I don't. I don't want her feeling like I am a threat. Which, I'm not.

I explained to this friend that she needs to really listen when people talk to her....Not be selective and pick what she thinks she hears...And she even admitted that she does do that. She apologized to me and said she did not know what to do about it... I told her that if this created issues between me and any of the family, then we would have a problem. I told her that it has taken me way too long to get to this point. To where I can even talk with my sons father again...And that by her giving "Wrong" info could jeopardize the point of where we are. I don't know about anyone else, but I like knowing that I get along ok with my ex....That we wish each other only good. It took a long time to build that up from where we came from.

Not sure what to do.... Or how to feel. How can someone take casual conversation and turn it into
negative comments? I even told her recently how my ex fixed the exhaust on my van for me...
She turned around and told me that she thought my friend did it. More proof that she does not really listen.

And the thing is, I don't volunteer info freely. So if I do, I would hope the person listening would get what I said correctly.

Now it's going to be up to me to approach my ex and his girlfriend and let them know what I heard and explain what I did not say and what I did say! I so hate having to explain myself... Or feel like I am defending myself.

The funny thing is, I went all out this year and made a gift basket up for my ex and his girlfriend for Christmas... From the kids. And I did that a couple weeks ago. Not sure I should give it since it may look like guilt on my part...And I did and said nothing wrong to feel guilty about.

Well, it's been a long time since I have done any venting like this... lol...Thanks for listening and trying to follow along...I hope you guys have a great night.


Anonymous said...

I think if you explain everything to the father, you should be ok. And as for people that gossip, is that who you realy want to be around? There is enough negativity in this world without "Friends" adding more to it.

Lee said...

I feel the same as the Anonymous person. There is plenty of negativity around in this world to have to have a so called freind that likes to stir up stuff. I wouldn't care to have a freind like that. I had one once and had to stop talking to her many years ago.... I hate drama so it's more peaceful and less stressful on my life not to have freinds like may just have to do the same... youo can always find better freinds out like me! I am sure the ex understands and his girlfreind, that there are ignorant people always looking to stir the pot. It will be fine. I would still give the gifts they will appreciate it no matter.

Cindy said...

Thanks Lee.... I will give the gift..This is the first year that I was able to get gifts from the heart and to both of them. :)

I recently had to cut ties from a friend that I have known 14 yrs... I just can't handle all the negativity...Just bringing me down. Just wanting to create problems and drama... I have enough... I don't need anymore... lol...

I just don't like it when someone would be willing to say something you did not say..Not sure what the reason is for making things up...I just don't get it!

Yes, there is too much negativity as there is....Can't we all just get along?

Love ya Lee....


Thank you Anonymous.