I worry about my little girl. I'm not saying that I don't worry about my son because I do. But my little girl is in a different situation than my son. My son knows his dad and they see each other quit often. They have a close relationship and it shows with him. My son is surrounded with love everywhere. From both sides of the family.
My daughter on the other hand, has it harder. It's more difficult for her. She has met her biological father a few times. But there is no close relationship there. And believe it or not, I can see it in her. She is lacking in a department I know nothing about.
I am told that I was my dads little girl. Yet growing up, I never felt it. And to this day, we are not a close family. I will say that I am super close to my Grandma and my brother. I just started talking with my parents a couple years ago. And I think it is because of my kids that I decided to take the wall down a little. Let's just say that I have forgiven, but it's still hard to forget. I did not have a NORMAL childhood and I am ok with that now. But it took a long time to get there.
Like I was saying. I worry about my daughter. As a grown woman, I can see in her what I was lacking as a child. And that was a father. My daughter is almost 4 now and the only consistent male role model for her has been my sons father. Somehow, he became fond of her and she became fond of him. Every time he would come to pick my son up, she would get all excited. She still does. He would take the few extra minutes to hang around and play with her. Make her smile and giggle out loud. Before I knew it, holidays would come and he would think of her and pick her up something. My son and my daughter love each other sooo much. And she hates it when he leaves. Then I started noticing that my daughter began calling my sons father, daddy. Ohh, how confusing this must be for her, I keep thinking. But she hears my son call him daddy, so she thinks she should. He has no problem with it at all... As a matter of fact, I have seen his face light up when she calls him daddy. He has even asked me if this would change if I were to get back with the father and I told him that I was her mother and nothing would change if he did not want it to. I think we both wanted reassurance. He wants her in his life and I want what is best for my daughter. And so far, he has been consistent.
I'm in a place I have never been before. I have one father that loves his son and another father that has not and won't take the time to know his daughter. Do I continue letting her call him daddy, even though he's not? She is very aware that she has two daddies. She has even said it. Do I break ties off between them completely ? Will that do more damage? She knows him as daddy. I know as a little girl what I did not have. And I want my daughter to have that closeness with a male role model. Someone to look up to and teach her the things that only a man can. I just want my daughter to be happy and healthy. Have I allowed something to happen that should not have ? So many questions and very little answers. This is why I worry about her......
Friday, April 27, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
About Single Moms !
If being a mother is a labor of love, then being a single mother requires double the labor and double the love. Without a father around, single mothers have to give twice the hugs, twice the affection, and twice the attention, with half the time, half the energy and often, half the resources.
Just about everyone knows a single mom. The U.S. Census Bureau says almost a third of all U.S. children are being raised in a single-parent home headed by a woman. But do we ever look beyond the statistics and think about what it really takes to parent without a partner?
Some of the highest hurdles single moms face are financial, the day-to-day challenges of meeting basic needs. Only half the mothers due child support get the full amount; 25 percent get nothing at all. Therefore it’s not surprising that almost 50 percent of single moms and their children live in poverty, compared to eight percent of families with a married mom and dad.
And whatever your opinion of single motherhood, most women who are single parents probably didn’t set out with that as a goal. Divorce accounts for 46 percent of all single parent households, unwed mothers 25 percent, marital separation 21 percent, and death of a spouse seven percent. But no matter why a mother is on her own, we need to encourage these women and the 14 million children living in their homes.
We should all consider how we can make the day in and day out job of single parenting easier. If a single mother also works outside the home, her mom duties resume as soon as she walks in her front door. Want to see her face light up? Fix dinner for her family and have it ready when she arrives.
Childcare demands are also tougher when it’s only mom doing the picking up and dropping off for ballet, baseball, or band practice. Find out who the single moms are among your children’s circle of friends, and see if you can take some of their taxi duty. Perhaps you can help a single mom by mowing her yard, running an errand for her, or washing her car. You can even get your own children involved. In the process, they’ll learn lessons in kindness, hospitality, and giving.
If you really want to make her day, offer to watch her kids while she spends an evening with a friend or a relaxing day at the park or beach. It’s tough being a single mother and not always easy to ask for help.
So on this Mother’s Day, think about the challenging ways that single moms’ lives are different from other mothers’. Then think about how they are the same. All mothers have hopes and dreams for their children, but single mothers have to do their hoping and dreaming alone.
Mark W Merrill is president of Family First, an independent, non-profit research and communications organization dedicated to strengthening the family.
© Mark W. Merrill. All rights reserved.
Just about everyone knows a single mom. The U.S. Census Bureau says almost a third of all U.S. children are being raised in a single-parent home headed by a woman. But do we ever look beyond the statistics and think about what it really takes to parent without a partner?
Some of the highest hurdles single moms face are financial, the day-to-day challenges of meeting basic needs. Only half the mothers due child support get the full amount; 25 percent get nothing at all. Therefore it’s not surprising that almost 50 percent of single moms and their children live in poverty, compared to eight percent of families with a married mom and dad.
And whatever your opinion of single motherhood, most women who are single parents probably didn’t set out with that as a goal. Divorce accounts for 46 percent of all single parent households, unwed mothers 25 percent, marital separation 21 percent, and death of a spouse seven percent. But no matter why a mother is on her own, we need to encourage these women and the 14 million children living in their homes.
We should all consider how we can make the day in and day out job of single parenting easier. If a single mother also works outside the home, her mom duties resume as soon as she walks in her front door. Want to see her face light up? Fix dinner for her family and have it ready when she arrives.
Childcare demands are also tougher when it’s only mom doing the picking up and dropping off for ballet, baseball, or band practice. Find out who the single moms are among your children’s circle of friends, and see if you can take some of their taxi duty. Perhaps you can help a single mom by mowing her yard, running an errand for her, or washing her car. You can even get your own children involved. In the process, they’ll learn lessons in kindness, hospitality, and giving.
If you really want to make her day, offer to watch her kids while she spends an evening with a friend or a relaxing day at the park or beach. It’s tough being a single mother and not always easy to ask for help.
So on this Mother’s Day, think about the challenging ways that single moms’ lives are different from other mothers’. Then think about how they are the same. All mothers have hopes and dreams for their children, but single mothers have to do their hoping and dreaming alone.
Mark W Merrill is president of Family First, an independent, non-profit research and communications organization dedicated to strengthening the family.
© Mark W. Merrill. All rights reserved.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
I was the roller coaster queen...
Ok, it's that time of the year when I take my kids to this huge indoor amusement park. They advertise this for about a month on tv and I'm sure that it drives all the moms just as crazy as myself. LOL
Back in the day, (many days) I was the roller coaster queen. I remember going to Geauga Lake with my friend Lori and her family. We stayed all day and night until closing. And we did nothing but get on roller coaster after roller coaster. And all the rides that would spin and throw you around were the best. The more nauseous, the better.
My how things have changed. And I noticed it after I had my son. I took him to his first carnival. I stood in line for the merry go round. As I was waiting in line, watching the kids on the ride, I started feeling a little queasy. I remember thinking that maybe I needed to get something to eat. I grabbed my son and held him while we slowly started moving around in a circle. We began picking up speed and I began feeling really sick... LOL I remember hearing these stories from other women and it was then that I realized it was happening to me as well.
Let's fast forward a few years to last year, 2006. I took both of my kids to this same indoor amusement park and there I was, looking at little baby rides for my daughter and feeling all the motion sickness from just standing there watching these rides everywhere go round and round. It was official, I had changed.... I was no longer the thrill queen that loved to spin around. I could not even watch a merry go round anymore. I was getting older.... LOL
So here it is, 2 days to go and I am taking the kids back to this amusement park. So while my kids are out there being the thrill seekers that they are, I will be sitting on the sidelines with a paper bag in my hand... LMAO...
Back in the day, (many days) I was the roller coaster queen. I remember going to Geauga Lake with my friend Lori and her family. We stayed all day and night until closing. And we did nothing but get on roller coaster after roller coaster. And all the rides that would spin and throw you around were the best. The more nauseous, the better.
My how things have changed. And I noticed it after I had my son. I took him to his first carnival. I stood in line for the merry go round. As I was waiting in line, watching the kids on the ride, I started feeling a little queasy. I remember thinking that maybe I needed to get something to eat. I grabbed my son and held him while we slowly started moving around in a circle. We began picking up speed and I began feeling really sick... LOL I remember hearing these stories from other women and it was then that I realized it was happening to me as well.
Let's fast forward a few years to last year, 2006. I took both of my kids to this same indoor amusement park and there I was, looking at little baby rides for my daughter and feeling all the motion sickness from just standing there watching these rides everywhere go round and round. It was official, I had changed.... I was no longer the thrill queen that loved to spin around. I could not even watch a merry go round anymore. I was getting older.... LOL
So here it is, 2 days to go and I am taking the kids back to this amusement park. So while my kids are out there being the thrill seekers that they are, I will be sitting on the sidelines with a paper bag in my hand... LMAO...
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Did you ever have one of those days?
Sometimes, especially after a day like today, I find I am asking myself, " And I want to be a work at home mom, because......." ? LOL. My daughter was like a sneaky cat all day. Jumping off the couch to the table, to the chair and then pouncing on me every time I would walk past her. My son, must have bumped his head and thought it was football season (indoor) and would tackle me down every chance he got. (yea, I thought I would be easy on him)... By 10:00 a.m. I was ready for a nap....LOL
They would start out so loving to each other. Wanting to play and be together. And as fast I could blink my eye, they were like little terrors to each other. She would and come and tell on him because he was looking at her and then he would come and tell on her because she blinked at him . Uugghhhh !!! Later, my son wanted to go over a friends house. And I had told him no since he was giving me a hard time with everything. I could not believe what I heard. He looked at me and said " if you let me go, I will be good the rest of the night". Well, this was not a good deal for me since he only had 70 minutes before he went to bed. So, I had to sit down and have a little talk with my dear son and explain how I don't negotiate behavior. As for my daughter, she tried the same thing again tonight. Something new that she learned. She has figured out that right as I am getting her in bed, that's when she decides that she needs to go potty, make sure the front door is closed, decide what shoes she is wearing the next day, changes her clothes one last time, and then, yes, I have to give her however may hugs, kisses and high fives... It makes for a long night when she wants 20 hugs, 10 kisses and 100 high fives... LOL
Today, I accomplished alot with my business, in between breaking up the fights, cooking, cleaning and having quality discussions with my kids as to why they are not allowed to run the neighborhood like "little Johnny" down the street. All in all, it was a productive day.
They would start out so loving to each other. Wanting to play and be together. And as fast I could blink my eye, they were like little terrors to each other. She would and come and tell on him because he was looking at her and then he would come and tell on her because she blinked at him . Uugghhhh !!! Later, my son wanted to go over a friends house. And I had told him no since he was giving me a hard time with everything. I could not believe what I heard. He looked at me and said " if you let me go, I will be good the rest of the night". Well, this was not a good deal for me since he only had 70 minutes before he went to bed. So, I had to sit down and have a little talk with my dear son and explain how I don't negotiate behavior. As for my daughter, she tried the same thing again tonight. Something new that she learned. She has figured out that right as I am getting her in bed, that's when she decides that she needs to go potty, make sure the front door is closed, decide what shoes she is wearing the next day, changes her clothes one last time, and then, yes, I have to give her however may hugs, kisses and high fives... It makes for a long night when she wants 20 hugs, 10 kisses and 100 high fives... LOL
Today, I accomplished alot with my business, in between breaking up the fights, cooking, cleaning and having quality discussions with my kids as to why they are not allowed to run the neighborhood like "little Johnny" down the street. All in all, it was a productive day.
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