Friday, April 27, 2007

Why I worry about her...

I worry about my little girl. I'm not saying that I don't worry about my son because I do. But my little girl is in a different situation than my son. My son knows his dad and they see each other quit often. They have a close relationship and it shows with him. My son is surrounded with love everywhere. From both sides of the family.

My daughter on the other hand, has it harder. It's more difficult for her. She has met her biological father a few times. But there is no close relationship there. And believe it or not, I can see it in her. She is lacking in a department I know nothing about.

I am told that I was my dads little girl. Yet growing up, I never felt it. And to this day, we are not a close family. I will say that I am super close to my Grandma and my brother. I just started talking with my parents a couple years ago. And I think it is because of my kids that I decided to take the wall down a little. Let's just say that I have forgiven, but it's still hard to forget. I did not have a NORMAL childhood and I am ok with that now. But it took a long time to get there.

Like I was saying. I worry about my daughter. As a grown woman, I can see in her what I was lacking as a child. And that was a father. My daughter is almost 4 now and the only consistent male role model for her has been my sons father. Somehow, he became fond of her and she became fond of him. Every time he would come to pick my son up, she would get all excited. She still does. He would take the few extra minutes to hang around and play with her. Make her smile and giggle out loud. Before I knew it, holidays would come and he would think of her and pick her up something. My son and my daughter love each other sooo much. And she hates it when he leaves. Then I started noticing that my daughter began calling my sons father, daddy. Ohh, how confusing this must be for her, I keep thinking. But she hears my son call him daddy, so she thinks she should. He has no problem with it at all... As a matter of fact, I have seen his face light up when she calls him daddy. He has even asked me if this would change if I were to get back with the father and I told him that I was her mother and nothing would change if he did not want it to. I think we both wanted reassurance. He wants her in his life and I want what is best for my daughter. And so far, he has been consistent.

I'm in a place I have never been before. I have one father that loves his son and another father that has not and won't take the time to know his daughter. Do I continue letting her call him daddy, even though he's not? She is very aware that she has two daddies. She has even said it. Do I break ties off between them completely ? Will that do more damage? She knows him as daddy. I know as a little girl what I did not have. And I want my daughter to have that closeness with a male role model. Someone to look up to and teach her the things that only a man can. I just want my daughter to be happy and healthy. Have I allowed something to happen that should not have ? So many questions and very little answers. This is why I worry about her......

2 comments:

Lisa said...

I think you should continue to let her call him daddy,because her biological father is not her daddy. He's just the biological father. I stumbled on your blog lol,posting my plug. I have 4 kids with 2 dads and both of them suck and I am engaged to a new guy and they all call him daddy because he is the one that loves them. Hope this helps.
Lisa

Cindy Ashworth said...

Thanks for your words of encouragement.