Sunday, March 22, 2009

You Just Had To Go And Do It Again!

I'm touching briefly on a subject that is personal to me....I originally created this blog for business, then it turned into a little personal and now I keep it in the middle. And from all the emails that I receive, people seem to like it that way.

I want to address again, the Deadbeat dads.... One in particular. My daughters donor. And yes, he will see this. The last time I heard anything from you was last August when you left me the pleasant message advising me that you were quitting your job, not paying another cent and would see her when she was 18.

Why in the world would you call after all this time telling me that you would like to come and see her this weekend before you get sent away? You put me in a position where I had to set her down and prepare her "Do you remember Dwayne that came over a couple times, along time ago? Well he would like to come and see you again.".

So I did just that.... Prepared her. I played it up in her eyes so that she would be excited to see you....Want to see you.....And not be so intimidated....But you did it again!!! Unreliable, Self Centered, Selfish, Uncaring, Thoughtless, Rude, Hurtful and Mean Spirited......Yes, this is you.

Then I am placed in another situation where I have to "downplay" it the two times that she asked "When is Dwayne coming over to see me"? You hurt her! I can see the sadness in her eyes because I am here to see it. I can see the way she shrugs her shoulders when your name is mentioned. I can feel her uncertainty when she makes me "promise" whenever I tell her we are going to do something.

I told you along time ago that you CAN'T come in and out of her life.....You are either in or not....You understood, so you said. But you continue to do it over and over.....Say things and not follow through. Or you go a year and not even call to see how she is. I am NOT allowing it anymore.

Go ahead and print this off... Use it for whatever reason you think this is going to help you....But it won't. You are digging your own hole anyway. I believe that every little girl NEEDS her daddy. And if he is not in the picture, then a positive role model will be a great substitute. She has that...... She has that positive role model that really cares about her, does not want to hurt her and only wants the best for her. And she has gained a whole family that cares about her as well.

Since I'm sure it will be another year before I hear from you, I know you will see this before then. Leave her alone! Stop hurting her! If you continue to pop in her life once every year or so, you are only hurting her more. You have proven that she can't depend on you. That you won't be there for her. And it is up to me to do what's best for you.

So here's a proposition: Leave her alone.... Walk away..... You are not obligated in any way to her.....I will do what I can about having papers drawn up that will allow you to walk away and not get into any trouble..... Sign your rights away and you are under no obligation... No more child support will be required from you... (It's not like you have been helping anyway).

She is a blessing. I am so lucky to have her in my life. The sad thing is, you don't even care enough to see any of it. She is such a very head-strong little girl....Even when putting a puzzle together, she will do it her way, not wanting any help, even if it's wrong. And it's that determination that makes her a fighter, even at such a young age.

She needs a soft shoulder to lay on. One that will consistently be there for her and not let her down. That is me...... SIGN THE PAPERS!


Anonymous said...

Wow I am with you all the way on this for Delaney's sake! What another dead beat father just like my oldest daughters father. They need to rott in HELL!!!!!!!!
Love Lee

Forever And A Day Gift Boutique said...

I have to say I agree. I have 3 children from 3 different dads, oh wait I mean from one dad and 2 donors. Those are not good odds, good thing I decided not to have anymore children. My first sons donor saw my son when he was 2 weeks old, that son is now going to be 29 next week. He never knew what all my oldest son had done or has become since he was 2 weeks old. He wasn’t in that intensive care unit after my son was born way too early, weighting only 4 lb 11 oz. He wasn’t there when I was going to the hospital at 7 am and coming back home at 10 pm day after day for 2 weeks. He never will know that my son was in the Army and went to not one but 2 wars. My sons donor will never know what it was like to hear everyday “Another American solider was killed” on that darn TV everyday. He will never see the window I saw just hoping that a car with men in uniforms wouldn’t pull up to my house to tell me it was my son or when it didn’t happen to feel for the parents for whom they did pull up to their house. He will never know how proud my son has made me. He was honor roll year after year, was in “Who’s Who”, and so many other things that my son did and is still doing. He will not be at his wedding in October 09, he will not see the grandchild that will grace us with their wonderful presence and so much more. I never receive a dime from him. You know why? “He wasn’t ready to become a father”! That’s what he told me and he was right! Guess he should of thought about that before, hu? BTW this son was a pill baby. Had 2 periods and took 2 months of BC pills before I found out the most wonderful news ever, well one of 3! All of this and I was only 20 years old.
Now for my 2nd son, his donor and I were married for almost 10 years. Lets just say he had a mental condition that I found out about way after we married and refused to take his medications. After almost 10 years I couldn’t take it so I divorced him. Well this donor I receive money from. How? I went after it. And every time he stopped his job I went back to court. Never giving up. Well it takes more than money to help raise a child. This child needed his dad, not a donor. He wasn’t there to watch my son struggle in school because he was ADDHA. He wasn’t there to watch him cry because children made fun of him because of his speech problems. He had 6 years of speech. He wasn’t there to help with home work, which because of his learning problems was a challenge. He wasn’t there to run to the corner everyday chasing children away from him, telling them to pick on children their own size. Ok a few times I wondered if I would go to jail, LOL. NO ONE picked on my children. You can mess with me, but do NOT every touch one of my kids. To this day he still has problems and he is 25 years old. A year ago I received a phone call from a social worker telling me that he wanted to see his son. I’m like what son! He is MY son. He was never there for him. Blamed me for not seeing his child because I divorced him. Ok well couples get divorced everyday, has nothing to do with the children who get left behind by these donors. Since my son was an adult and I did feel he had that choice, I asked him if he wanted to see his “dad”. He told me Why? Why now? He said he had 24 years to see me, what’s different now. He refused to see him. He said “I have a dad now” (My 3rd child’s dad) So he never saw him.
Now for my 3rd child. This one is different. He is a “dad” not a donor. He pays his court ordered child support, sees his son ever other weekend, oh not just his son but all 3 of his “sons”! My 2 older children live out of state now but when they are home, he visit with them all the time and calls them regularly. He calls his youngest son all the time too. Even tho we divorced for reasons I do not want to say for my children sake. He NEVER left the children. Even tho my 2 other sons are not his birth children, you would not know that. When we first separated I was a WAHM, running a home childcare for 11 years at that time, and he supported all of us until I got out of school so that I was able to stand on my own feet. He paid those donors child support. He took those donors visits. He was there for them and they know that in their hearts, not to mention in my heart. For those reasons and reasons that I believe in my children will never know why we got a divorce. He divorced me, not the children and that’s the way it should be. My youngest child for which his dad has been apart of his life gets to see what he has done in his little life so far. He is honor roll for years now, in Who’s Who for 2 yrs in a row, every sporting team he can find to join, most politest child I’ve ever met and so much more.
Even tho 2 out of 3 have not been there for their children. I have been given the gift from God that I will perish for all my life. Funny when I was in grade school along time ago, lol, we did a thing about “What you want to be when you grow up, career day thing. All I wanted to be was a mom. They told me that wasn’t a career and made me do it on something else. I always thought they were wrong, well they were right, it’s not a career it is a honor and a pleasure. A gift, a joy and so much more. I am sure glad that I was granted this honor of being a mom to the 3 of the most wonderful children a mom could ever ask for. I would do it again 100 times over to have what I have now.

Cindy said...

I thank you for sharing your story. From one mom to another, all we can do is OUR best and protect our children...I know my daughter will grow and get hurt along the way. But if there is anyway that I can prevent some of that hurt, then I will.