CSEA

Ok, it's official. (CSEA) Child Support Enforcement Agency has suspended his drivers license. It's not even the 16th yet. I guess they don't mess around. At first I thought that it was not good. That now he had an excuse not to pay child support since his license were suspended. But then I found out that he will only get them back once he pays the back child support that he owes. And right now, he is over $2,000.00

What would make a man just quit his job, stop helping to support his daughter and pretty much vanish ? Why is it ok to just leave everything up to me and assume that I will take care of things and be ok? The truth is we will be ok. It's just the idea of how he has handled this and what he has done.

My business is remaining steady. I have been putting less time in these last few days and this will continue for a little while longer. My son has joined football and I love football. So I go to all of his practices (and soon the games) and I help out the other mothers when needed.

I am a true believer in working to create your future. The future you see and want. But I am also learning (just started learning) that my kids are here now and NOW is when they need me. So I have been re-prioritizing things. Plus, being involved in something that my kids like is a great way to spend some time together and have some fun. I just make up for my business on the weekends and it's working out pretty good.

And the clock is ticking.....

Well, the clock is ticking down..... My daughters father has 13 days until the state suspends his drivers license. This is all over child support. He has not made a payment since April 2nd, 2007 of $47.00. Since it is a court order, the state will suspend his drivers license until he pays 1 month of child support... Not even the whole amount he is behind. Just one month and he will be able to keep his license.

I'm sure there are women as well but right now I am thinking of how a man can really let this happen. He has a brand new truck, just recently quit his job.... I'm sure he is working under the table with his old friend again..... And he does not think twice at how this affects her.

It's not like I am laying around eating bon bons with his support. Between child care, clothes, field trips, shoes and whatever else, his support helped to cover some of those expenses.

What makes a parent decide when they no longer NEED to pay child support for a child. She is only 4.... It's not like she is 17. And he can decide that he no longer has to help contribute to her upbringing ? I just don't get it. She still goes to preschool, needs clothes, and eats. I just don't get it !!!

I'm really surprised that I have not had anyone reply to my previous post..... I am serious.... I would love to hear from people about living life to the fullest.... Are you? I know I'm not.... I can't be alone in saying that I'm not.... Am I ?

Are you living each day to the fullest?

I was just asked that question recently. And, I hesitated in answering. My answer was NO. I want to. I look forward to doing that..... Living each day to the fullest. But right now I'm not.

And where do I start? How do I do that? Is there a class I can take? LOL Seriously, I don't know how. I don't even know what it's like to RELAX..... And I am very serious about that.

I wake up, get the kids and myself ready, go to work, come home, take care of my kids and the house and get to work on my home business. I very rarely take a break from my business. And when I do, it's to take my kids somewhere that they want to go.

I am looking towards the future. Busting my butt to get to where I want us to be. I can see it, I can taste it. But meanwhile, I do feel like my kids are being short changed from me.

My goal is to ultimately be here full time, running my business and be able to go on field trips, take them places, spend extra money...... All with my kids. I want to buy us a house and go on vacation.

But there are those moments when I look at my son or daughter and they say something..... As if they were an adult...... And I'm left feeling stunned... Like, where did they get that from? LOL. Even though I am here in the same house with them, I feel like I miss things with them.

How do people do it? Live life to the fullest. Sure, I would like to ride a bull for 8.2 seconds and go sky diving for the first time, but when am I supposed to fit that in? LOL

Ok, just a thought. I know I am not the only mother that feels this way. It would be nice to hear back from those that are in my situation and those that have changed it and are living life to the fullest.

Is He Daddy Or Father?

Well, it appears that my daughters ...... I will call him donor, has vanished. He has quit his job and stopped paying any child support. The last payment was $46.00 on April 2nd, 2007. A mutual friend tells me he is still around but that's all I know.

I don't understand the difference between father and daddy. Are they not the same? How is one title different than the other? To me, he was just a donor. I really never thought I would look at him that way. He was stepping up, paying child support (and not much I might say).....We kept our conversations civilized. But I looked at him like a responsible parent. Now, I can't even do that.

And now here she is, my daughter, calling someone else daddy... In a way, it makes me sad that she does not really know her biological (dad), (father). How can he not want to know her. Ask about her, wonder about her.......... But he doesn't. And he never has. And I wonder how this will affect her, as she calls someone else (my sons father) daddy.......

I am so thankful that there is someone stepping up, loving it and remaining a constant part of her life. I understand how little girls really NEED their father. And even though Mr. Tree Man is not her biological father, she loves him....... Boy, does she love him. She asks me when he will pick her up from preschool, instead of me..... When will she get to see him again.....When can she call him..... I am thankful for the unspoken agreement that we have between us concerning my daughter. I believe that he will be there for her for as long as she needs him and in some way they both are in need of this.....Enjoying this special relationship that they have, even though he is not her biological dad and I am not even with him anymore.

As weird of a situation this seems to be, she is happy and he seems as happy as well..... And I can only go by that......

I'm taking a break from dating right now. I do that every now and then... LOL And it's time again. I am re-focused on my business and my kids. All I want to say about dating is, that it's
either there or it's not.......

That's all I have right now..... But I will be back!

Ohh yes, It's summertime.....

I love summer... All the carnivals and fairs. I can't ride the rides I used to, but I love going for my kids.

Jeff and I plan on taking my kids to a carnival tomorrow. The kids don't know yet. Gonna let it be a surprise, (tee hee hee).

All seems to be going well. My business is growing every day, which lets me know that I am one day closer to my goal of being home full time. When I am doing my business, I rock sooo much. I love it. Can you honestly say that you love what you are doing? If it wasn't for this, I couldn't. I am excited when I am conducting my business. I love that I don't sell, carry inventory, or do paperwork. And it's a good feeling when I help someone reach a goal that they have. It's like I helped to make it happen. And I sooo love working with other single moms..... I just identify with them since I am one.

The only thing I will say, is that if you are a person, working a full time job like myself, and wonder how you can ever get ahead, email me , (cinn2001@juno.com) I will let you see if what I am doing is a match for what you are looking for. And if it is, GREAT, let's get you going... And if it's not, then you only lost a few minutes of time.

I hope everyone has a great night!!!

Ok, Let Me Clarify.......

Ok, so I am getting replies that are just asking (not to be posted) if I still love Mr. Tree Man.....
WOW No ! I do not still love him. We will always be connected and he was my first " True Love ", but that's it. He has moved on as well as I. There was alot of very emotional things between us. We had a major custody battle between us and alot of things said that can't be taken back. It is pretty sad at how the love of your life can also be the person that hurts you the most. And all I will say is, is that he had the ability and he did it..... He hurt me more than anyone ever has. More than anyone deserves !!!

I am just thankful that he steps up to the plate and is being a great dad to our son. My daughter, on the other hand, was not dealt a lucky hand.... (yes, I like poker)... LOL
Her father has up and quit working (legal) and I have not been receiving child support for almost 3 months. I never thought I would say this about him, but he is just another dead-beat donor.... (dad)....

So that's it .... At least for now.... No, I don't love Mr. Tree Man nor wish to be with him.....I have never been where I am right now.... Dating and playing the field..... Seeing if there are really good men left. I have always been in a relationship and never taken the time to date. I am actually enjoying this... LOL

Cont: Have you ever been in love?

Ok, so the whirlwind continues.... I move in with Mr. Tree Man and rent my house out to a friend. All seems beautiful at first. But then something happens. I begin to feel neglected. Not as important to him anymore. It's just life, but I did not get it back then. I felt like I gave up my friends and gained nothing. He still had his friends but I did not. (so I felt). Plus he had kids. The only thing I can say about that is, if you are not a parent, you WON'T get it. You can think all you want that you get it, but you really don't get it. And I did not get it.

Fast forward a little. Then came our son. He was planned. We had a few rough moments but I still believed we would be ok. Until of course, we were not ok... I ended up moving back into my house. I was still certain we would be back together again. To me, this was a temporary split up. There was no way that a couple like us, so madly in love each other would split up for good. We even looked good together... (everyone said that). People could see and feel the passion between us when we would look at each other. It was like, electric.

Time passed and I started my own home business... There was no way I could leave my son. He was my first child and I strongly felt that I physically could not leave him.... Like I would be sick or something.... LOL I did a bunch of little things to get by... I had a friend move in and we raised our kids together.... I loved having my own home and did alot with it. I loved being a mom, at home with my son and starting my own business. I even took a room and turned it into my office. I hung the drywall (wrong), laid the carpet, painted and made my own office. It really was awesome. And, I really did well with my business.... I was an Independent Distributor for a company..... And I rocked with it. I even had to have my office hours posted on the door because I would have people stopping over all the time.... LOL

But, when you are starting out in a business, and don't have a steady income, you begin to use the only resources you have...... Yes, CREDIT CARDS and 2nd MORTGAGES...... Not a good decision.

Time passed and even though my business was finally doing well, it was too late. I had dug a financial hole I could not get out of. I was looking at bankruptcy..... (scared).

Mr. Tree Man and I spent time together throughout this ordeal. I would have the best birthday parties for our son and he would be there. All of his family and his friends. My son had the best. I did make sure of that, no matter what it costed me.

So, me and Mr. Tree Man began talking about getting back together. Now, understand he is the type of man that will even tell you that there is no second chance when it comes to relationships. But we did..... We were back together...... This time I got it, as far as being a parent was concerned.


So, now I lost everything.... I lost my house which I loved sooo much. I had so many memories there. I had that house for about 11 years. Plus I had a bankruptcy on my record that would last a long time. But, we were getting a second chance. And that is how I was looking at it. I had to give up my business. He told me that I would not be doing my business if we were getting together again. So I did, I gave it up...... I gave up my dream.....

This time around did not last long at all..... Things happened and it was obvious I did not belong. I began to not care. I started to live my life as though it was me and my son only......
I stopped asking to do things together with Mr. Tree Man and started filling my time with me and my son. Skating, bowling and just time together.

Mr. Tree Man and I ended up breaking up for good. It's been about 4 years now. We have shared parenting. In order to get there was not easy. It actually got pretty nasty. At one point, I even hated him.

Four years later and we at least talk. I still miss my friend. I miss him. The closeness that we had. He is the father to my son and I am thankful of the man that he is...... At this point in my life, he has only been the true love of my life.

Sure, things have changed and we both moved on. But, he knows as well as I do, there will never be a ride like the ride we were on. We are connected and I do still miss my friend. But I also thank him for my son, and for making me a mom.....

Have you ever really been in love?

The question of the day is, Have you ever been in love? I mean that heart pounding, butterflies in the pit of your stomach feeling? When one look at that person rocked your world. I can say that in my 38 years, I have been in love once. Sure, I have loved. But I have only been in love once.

As I look back at past relationships, most of the men that I have been with are men that I did not care about at first. LOL I mean, I was not attracted to them. I could not imagine being with them.

I had boyfriends, met a man and we got married. I thought I loved him but came to realize that I really did not. I'm sure the feeling was mutual. (we did get divorced). I moved on and had more boyfriends and then met someone I kind of worked with. He rented the building that was next to where I worked. He would come by every morning and get a cup of coffee and smile at me where I was in my little office. A few people told me that he had liked me but I did not believe it and really was not interested. At that point in my life, I was enjoying being single again (after divorce) and dating. Plus, I was kind of hung up on someone myself. I had it kind of easy. I owned my own house, had a pretty good job and I had no kids. I was looking pretty good and feeling pretty good. I had it all ( what all was back then ) lol

It was right before Christmas because I remember this guy coming to my office and bringing me a Christmas tree.... LOL He had overheard me telling people that I was not celebrating Christmas for the first time, since it was just me..... How thoughtful, I remember thinking as he brought me this tiny Christmas tree to plant and decorate. He told me that everyone should have a Christmas tree.

The next thing that happened was a bunch of us went out after work, celebrating the holiday and being off of work for a few days. We had always went to Baileys but this time everyone wanted to go to this other place. I did not feel like it so I went to Baileys while they all left. I stayed at Baileys for a little while and then decided to catch up with everyone where they went. I parked my car and walked in. I looked to the left and there was everyone plus a few extra people..... (Mr. Christmas Tree Man)... I never seen him out before. He never hung out with us. So, I walked over to where everyone was and sat down. There he was, just looking and smiling at me. We all sat around as music played in the background. The next song that came on was "November Rain" by "Guns N Roses". Boy, I love that song. Of course I wanted to dance and started asking everyone to dance with me. Everyone started telling Mr. Tree man to dance. And of course, we did. You don't realize how long that song is until you are slow dancing...... LMAO He held me so tight and I remember holding him that tight as well. I even remember my neck hurting because he was so tall and I had to look up at him. Well I stayed for a couple more songs and then called it a night. I left everyone after saying my good byes and went home. Just as I was pulling in, there was this reddish GMC truck pulling in after me. It was Mr. Tree Man. I was just getting ready to unlock my front door and he stepped out of his truck and came up to me at my front door. he said he wanted to make sure that I got home ok. We talked a few minutes and I kissed him good bye..........

Then the whirlwind took over... And what a ride it was. There was DEEP love, fun, craziness, passion and true friendship....... Mr. Tree Man was my friend, and the first man I had ever fallen in love with. I went skinny dippin for the first time with him. We threw a HUGE "Whodathunkit" party...... For all those people that never would have believe we would be together. We had a pig chasing contest..... Canoe race.....a hay ride, and my favorite, Karaoke. (he did not think people would go for that, and it was the hit of the party).

Next thing I know, we are off to Vegas for a few days. WOW!!! I had never been there and we had a blast. Alot happened very fast between us. I did, however, wait 6 months before moving in. He had asked and I kept saying not yet. Then he had his kids with him, and when I got there after work one day, and he asked me about moving in and letting his kids respond as well, telling me that they would like me to move in too .....Next thing I know, me and a friend are moving my stuff in. LOL. I rented my house out and moved into what would be my new home....... (more to come).

No Shrek ?

So, it's been a little while. Let me back up to the Friday when we were going to go and see Shrek at the movies with my kids. Shrek was on the screen the day before, but when we got there, it was off..... I was kind of looking forward to it too.... LOL We ended up seeing " Surfs Up" and " Spiderman 3". Spiderman rocked !!! My kids were asleep during the middle of the first movie. LOL. So Jeff stayed over for a bit and we just hung out talking and stuff... Getting to know each other a little better.

The following week I felt myself slipping from my business. I had to check myself and put myself back in place. See how easy it is to meet someone and get all distracted. You get so all caught up in something new that the dream you have, the goal that you have can become "not as important". I don't want that to happen. I am sooo determined and focused. I know where I will be and what I want and what I need to do in order to get there. I can't afford to get side-stepped.

I find myself questioning any man that I begin to see. Well, I don't question him... I just question the situation, the relationship... Whatever it may be. I am a mom... I have kids. I don't bring men over to meet my kids often. I have alot of male friends and I don't have a problem having them over because it's not a potential relationship. There is nothing to lose. They are my friends. But to bring a man over that I am seeing to meet my kids is a really big step.

The last person I dated was Jason. I met Jason at my full time job. We have alot in common. Especially our sense of humor. LOL For anyone that knows Opie and Anthony or Rover Morning Glory..... That's me.... Yet, we were different in alot of things as well.

Jason is a great guy. He has alot to offer any woman. He has a good head on his shoulders... Has a good relationship with his parents.... Is very versatile.... Likes everything. I have never been to the theatre... Well, I took my son to see Spiderman live... LOL And Barney..... But I don't think that counts...... LMAO But Jason took me to see "Wicked"...... The best show I ever seen. WOW ! And the most important thing to me is how a man interacts with my kids. Are they faking it or do they really like my kids and do my kids really like them ? With Jason, he really liked my kids. And they really liked him.

Now, we are still friends. We see each other every day. I still would like to invite him over to just chill out and watch one of his strange movies that he likes.... LOL. But can you really be friends after dating?
Our personalities clash at times.... But don't all friends? So, why am I not with Jason?, You may ask..... It's like this. My baby days are done. I have two great kids. A boy and a girl. I am lucky and I know it. But, I am not having any more.....Jason is a little younger than me and I look at it like this......... He would be such a great husband, family man, dad...And by being with me, he will miss out on the parenting experience.... Being in the delivery room, watching his own child grow up.....I can't take that beautiful experience away from him. And I won't ! Plus, I don't see myself getting married again. This time around it WILL be my way or no way !!! So for now, I will remain friends with him for as long as he will have me.... I value his friendship more than he knows.

So about Jeff, I don't know. That's it..... I just don't know. So I will sit back and let things come as they will and take it from there. And follow my heart along the way.

Omg.... 30 minutes to go.... LMAO

Ok, 30 minutes to go..... Wow, I really am nervous.... But, I'll play it cool! Not a problem.... LOL