Sunday, June 24, 2007

Cont: Have you ever been in love?

Ok, so the whirlwind continues.... I move in with Mr. Tree Man and rent my house out to a friend. All seems beautiful at first. But then something happens. I begin to feel neglected. Not as important to him anymore. It's just life, but I did not get it back then. I felt like I gave up my friends and gained nothing. He still had his friends but I did not. (so I felt). Plus he had kids. The only thing I can say about that is, if you are not a parent, you WON'T get it. You can think all you want that you get it, but you really don't get it. And I did not get it.

Fast forward a little. Then came our son. He was planned. We had a few rough moments but I still believed we would be ok. Until of course, we were not ok... I ended up moving back into my house. I was still certain we would be back together again. To me, this was a temporary split up. There was no way that a couple like us, so madly in love each other would split up for good. We even looked good together... (everyone said that). People could see and feel the passion between us when we would look at each other. It was like, electric.

Time passed and I started my own home business... There was no way I could leave my son. He was my first child and I strongly felt that I physically could not leave him.... Like I would be sick or something.... LOL I did a bunch of little things to get by... I had a friend move in and we raised our kids together.... I loved having my own home and did alot with it. I loved being a mom, at home with my son and starting my own business. I even took a room and turned it into my office. I hung the drywall (wrong), laid the carpet, painted and made my own office. It really was awesome. And, I really did well with my business.... I was an Independent Distributor for a company..... And I rocked with it. I even had to have my office hours posted on the door because I would have people stopping over all the time.... LOL

But, when you are starting out in a business, and don't have a steady income, you begin to use the only resources you have...... Yes, CREDIT CARDS and 2nd MORTGAGES...... Not a good decision.

Time passed and even though my business was finally doing well, it was too late. I had dug a financial hole I could not get out of. I was looking at bankruptcy..... (scared).

Mr. Tree Man and I spent time together throughout this ordeal. I would have the best birthday parties for our son and he would be there. All of his family and his friends. My son had the best. I did make sure of that, no matter what it costed me.

So, me and Mr. Tree Man began talking about getting back together. Now, understand he is the type of man that will even tell you that there is no second chance when it comes to relationships. But we did..... We were back together...... This time I got it, as far as being a parent was concerned.

So, now I lost everything.... I lost my house which I loved sooo much. I had so many memories there. I had that house for about 11 years. Plus I had a bankruptcy on my record that would last a long time. But, we were getting a second chance. And that is how I was looking at it. I had to give up my business. He told me that I would not be doing my business if we were getting together again. So I did, I gave it up...... I gave up my dream.....

This time around did not last long at all..... Things happened and it was obvious I did not belong. I began to not care. I started to live my life as though it was me and my son only......
I stopped asking to do things together with Mr. Tree Man and started filling my time with me and my son. Skating, bowling and just time together.

Mr. Tree Man and I ended up breaking up for good. It's been about 4 years now. We have shared parenting. In order to get there was not easy. It actually got pretty nasty. At one point, I even hated him.

Four years later and we at least talk. I still miss my friend. I miss him. The closeness that we had. He is the father to my son and I am thankful of the man that he is...... At this point in my life, he has only been the true love of my life.

Sure, things have changed and we both moved on. But, he knows as well as I do, there will never be a ride like the ride we were on. We are connected and I do still miss my friend. But I also thank him for my son, and for making me a mom.....

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