Saturday, June 30, 2007

Ohh yes, It's summertime.....

I love summer... All the carnivals and fairs. I can't ride the rides I used to, but I love going for my kids.

Jeff and I plan on taking my kids to a carnival tomorrow. The kids don't know yet. Gonna let it be a surprise, (tee hee hee).

All seems to be going well. My business is growing every day, which lets me know that I am one day closer to my goal of being home full time. When I am doing my business, I rock sooo much. I love it. Can you honestly say that you love what you are doing? If it wasn't for this, I couldn't. I am excited when I am conducting my business. I love that I don't sell, carry inventory, or do paperwork. And it's a good feeling when I help someone reach a goal that they have. It's like I helped to make it happen. And I sooo love working with other single moms..... I just identify with them since I am one.

The only thing I will say, is that if you are a person, working a full time job like myself, and wonder how you can ever get ahead, email me , ( I will let you see if what I am doing is a match for what you are looking for. And if it is, GREAT, let's get you going... And if it's not, then you only lost a few minutes of time.

I hope everyone has a great night!!!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Ok, Let Me Clarify.......

Ok, so I am getting replies that are just asking (not to be posted) if I still love Mr. Tree Man.....
WOW No ! I do not still love him. We will always be connected and he was my first " True Love ", but that's it. He has moved on as well as I. There was alot of very emotional things between us. We had a major custody battle between us and alot of things said that can't be taken back. It is pretty sad at how the love of your life can also be the person that hurts you the most. And all I will say is, is that he had the ability and he did it..... He hurt me more than anyone ever has. More than anyone deserves !!!

I am just thankful that he steps up to the plate and is being a great dad to our son. My daughter, on the other hand, was not dealt a lucky hand.... (yes, I like poker)... LOL
Her father has up and quit working (legal) and I have not been receiving child support for almost 3 months. I never thought I would say this about him, but he is just another dead-beat donor.... (dad)....

So that's it .... At least for now.... No, I don't love Mr. Tree Man nor wish to be with him.....I have never been where I am right now.... Dating and playing the field..... Seeing if there are really good men left. I have always been in a relationship and never taken the time to date. I am actually enjoying this... LOL

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Cont: Have you ever been in love?

Ok, so the whirlwind continues.... I move in with Mr. Tree Man and rent my house out to a friend. All seems beautiful at first. But then something happens. I begin to feel neglected. Not as important to him anymore. It's just life, but I did not get it back then. I felt like I gave up my friends and gained nothing. He still had his friends but I did not. (so I felt). Plus he had kids. The only thing I can say about that is, if you are not a parent, you WON'T get it. You can think all you want that you get it, but you really don't get it. And I did not get it.

Fast forward a little. Then came our son. He was planned. We had a few rough moments but I still believed we would be ok. Until of course, we were not ok... I ended up moving back into my house. I was still certain we would be back together again. To me, this was a temporary split up. There was no way that a couple like us, so madly in love each other would split up for good. We even looked good together... (everyone said that). People could see and feel the passion between us when we would look at each other. It was like, electric.

Time passed and I started my own home business... There was no way I could leave my son. He was my first child and I strongly felt that I physically could not leave him.... Like I would be sick or something.... LOL I did a bunch of little things to get by... I had a friend move in and we raised our kids together.... I loved having my own home and did alot with it. I loved being a mom, at home with my son and starting my own business. I even took a room and turned it into my office. I hung the drywall (wrong), laid the carpet, painted and made my own office. It really was awesome. And, I really did well with my business.... I was an Independent Distributor for a company..... And I rocked with it. I even had to have my office hours posted on the door because I would have people stopping over all the time.... LOL

But, when you are starting out in a business, and don't have a steady income, you begin to use the only resources you have...... Yes, CREDIT CARDS and 2nd MORTGAGES...... Not a good decision.

Time passed and even though my business was finally doing well, it was too late. I had dug a financial hole I could not get out of. I was looking at bankruptcy..... (scared).

Mr. Tree Man and I spent time together throughout this ordeal. I would have the best birthday parties for our son and he would be there. All of his family and his friends. My son had the best. I did make sure of that, no matter what it costed me.

So, me and Mr. Tree Man began talking about getting back together. Now, understand he is the type of man that will even tell you that there is no second chance when it comes to relationships. But we did..... We were back together...... This time I got it, as far as being a parent was concerned.

So, now I lost everything.... I lost my house which I loved sooo much. I had so many memories there. I had that house for about 11 years. Plus I had a bankruptcy on my record that would last a long time. But, we were getting a second chance. And that is how I was looking at it. I had to give up my business. He told me that I would not be doing my business if we were getting together again. So I did, I gave it up...... I gave up my dream.....

This time around did not last long at all..... Things happened and it was obvious I did not belong. I began to not care. I started to live my life as though it was me and my son only......
I stopped asking to do things together with Mr. Tree Man and started filling my time with me and my son. Skating, bowling and just time together.

Mr. Tree Man and I ended up breaking up for good. It's been about 4 years now. We have shared parenting. In order to get there was not easy. It actually got pretty nasty. At one point, I even hated him.

Four years later and we at least talk. I still miss my friend. I miss him. The closeness that we had. He is the father to my son and I am thankful of the man that he is...... At this point in my life, he has only been the true love of my life.

Sure, things have changed and we both moved on. But, he knows as well as I do, there will never be a ride like the ride we were on. We are connected and I do still miss my friend. But I also thank him for my son, and for making me a mom.....

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Have you ever really been in love?

The question of the day is, Have you ever been in love? I mean that heart pounding, butterflies in the pit of your stomach feeling? When one look at that person rocked your world. I can say that in my 38 years, I have been in love once. Sure, I have loved. But I have only been in love once.

As I look back at past relationships, most of the men that I have been with are men that I did not care about at first. LOL I mean, I was not attracted to them. I could not imagine being with them.

I had boyfriends, met a man and we got married. I thought I loved him but came to realize that I really did not. I'm sure the feeling was mutual. (we did get divorced). I moved on and had more boyfriends and then met someone I kind of worked with. He rented the building that was next to where I worked. He would come by every morning and get a cup of coffee and smile at me where I was in my little office. A few people told me that he had liked me but I did not believe it and really was not interested. At that point in my life, I was enjoying being single again (after divorce) and dating. Plus, I was kind of hung up on someone myself. I had it kind of easy. I owned my own house, had a pretty good job and I had no kids. I was looking pretty good and feeling pretty good. I had it all ( what all was back then ) lol

It was right before Christmas because I remember this guy coming to my office and bringing me a Christmas tree.... LOL He had overheard me telling people that I was not celebrating Christmas for the first time, since it was just me..... How thoughtful, I remember thinking as he brought me this tiny Christmas tree to plant and decorate. He told me that everyone should have a Christmas tree.

The next thing that happened was a bunch of us went out after work, celebrating the holiday and being off of work for a few days. We had always went to Baileys but this time everyone wanted to go to this other place. I did not feel like it so I went to Baileys while they all left. I stayed at Baileys for a little while and then decided to catch up with everyone where they went. I parked my car and walked in. I looked to the left and there was everyone plus a few extra people..... (Mr. Christmas Tree Man)... I never seen him out before. He never hung out with us. So, I walked over to where everyone was and sat down. There he was, just looking and smiling at me. We all sat around as music played in the background. The next song that came on was "November Rain" by "Guns N Roses". Boy, I love that song. Of course I wanted to dance and started asking everyone to dance with me. Everyone started telling Mr. Tree man to dance. And of course, we did. You don't realize how long that song is until you are slow dancing...... LMAO He held me so tight and I remember holding him that tight as well. I even remember my neck hurting because he was so tall and I had to look up at him. Well I stayed for a couple more songs and then called it a night. I left everyone after saying my good byes and went home. Just as I was pulling in, there was this reddish GMC truck pulling in after me. It was Mr. Tree Man. I was just getting ready to unlock my front door and he stepped out of his truck and came up to me at my front door. he said he wanted to make sure that I got home ok. We talked a few minutes and I kissed him good bye..........

Then the whirlwind took over... And what a ride it was. There was DEEP love, fun, craziness, passion and true friendship....... Mr. Tree Man was my friend, and the first man I had ever fallen in love with. I went skinny dippin for the first time with him. We threw a HUGE "Whodathunkit" party...... For all those people that never would have believe we would be together. We had a pig chasing contest..... Canoe race.....a hay ride, and my favorite, Karaoke. (he did not think people would go for that, and it was the hit of the party).

Next thing I know, we are off to Vegas for a few days. WOW!!! I had never been there and we had a blast. Alot happened very fast between us. I did, however, wait 6 months before moving in. He had asked and I kept saying not yet. Then he had his kids with him, and when I got there after work one day, and he asked me about moving in and letting his kids respond as well, telling me that they would like me to move in too .....Next thing I know, me and a friend are moving my stuff in. LOL. I rented my house out and moved into what would be my new home....... (more to come).

Thursday, June 21, 2007

No Shrek ?

So, it's been a little while. Let me back up to the Friday when we were going to go and see Shrek at the movies with my kids. Shrek was on the screen the day before, but when we got there, it was off..... I was kind of looking forward to it too.... LOL We ended up seeing " Surfs Up" and " Spiderman 3". Spiderman rocked !!! My kids were asleep during the middle of the first movie. LOL. So Jeff stayed over for a bit and we just hung out talking and stuff... Getting to know each other a little better.

The following week I felt myself slipping from my business. I had to check myself and put myself back in place. See how easy it is to meet someone and get all distracted. You get so all caught up in something new that the dream you have, the goal that you have can become "not as important". I don't want that to happen. I am sooo determined and focused. I know where I will be and what I want and what I need to do in order to get there. I can't afford to get side-stepped.

I find myself questioning any man that I begin to see. Well, I don't question him... I just question the situation, the relationship... Whatever it may be. I am a mom... I have kids. I don't bring men over to meet my kids often. I have alot of male friends and I don't have a problem having them over because it's not a potential relationship. There is nothing to lose. They are my friends. But to bring a man over that I am seeing to meet my kids is a really big step.

The last person I dated was Jason. I met Jason at my full time job. We have alot in common. Especially our sense of humor. LOL For anyone that knows Opie and Anthony or Rover Morning Glory..... That's me.... Yet, we were different in alot of things as well.

Jason is a great guy. He has alot to offer any woman. He has a good head on his shoulders... Has a good relationship with his parents.... Is very versatile.... Likes everything. I have never been to the theatre... Well, I took my son to see Spiderman live... LOL And Barney..... But I don't think that counts...... LMAO But Jason took me to see "Wicked"...... The best show I ever seen. WOW ! And the most important thing to me is how a man interacts with my kids. Are they faking it or do they really like my kids and do my kids really like them ? With Jason, he really liked my kids. And they really liked him.

Now, we are still friends. We see each other every day. I still would like to invite him over to just chill out and watch one of his strange movies that he likes.... LOL. But can you really be friends after dating?
Our personalities clash at times.... But don't all friends? So, why am I not with Jason?, You may ask..... It's like this. My baby days are done. I have two great kids. A boy and a girl. I am lucky and I know it. But, I am not having any more.....Jason is a little younger than me and I look at it like this......... He would be such a great husband, family man, dad...And by being with me, he will miss out on the parenting experience.... Being in the delivery room, watching his own child grow up.....I can't take that beautiful experience away from him. And I won't ! Plus, I don't see myself getting married again. This time around it WILL be my way or no way !!! So for now, I will remain friends with him for as long as he will have me.... I value his friendship more than he knows.

So about Jeff, I don't know. That's it..... I just don't know. So I will sit back and let things come as they will and take it from there. And follow my heart along the way.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Omg.... 30 minutes to go.... LMAO

Ok, 30 minutes to go..... Wow, I really am nervous.... But, I'll play it cool! Not a problem.... LOL

And the countdown is on.....

So, I have less than 2 hours to be ready. Jeff is coming over and we decided to take the kids to the movies. Yes, we are going to see Shrek....LOL I like Shrek.

I am a little nervous since my kids will be involved on this date. My son does not like me dating and my daughter really has not seen me date. Having a male friend over is one thing but this is a true date with my kids, as well.

I have not heard from the company that I was interviewed for.... So, I assume they found someone else. I just tell myself that I am where I am supposed to be then.

My business is growing strong and I can't wait until I am here full time.
Ok, that's all I have for now. I hope everyone has a great night. I'm sure I will...........

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Am I really pushing him away?

Ok, so this is where I'm at..... When it comes to my home business, I am the bomb. I love it and I am good at it. But when it comes to relationships, men in general, I have been out of the loop for a little while. LOL And I have it that way on purpose.

See, I know how relationships work. You meet some one and get all caught up in the moment, and you can't talk to each other enough and see each other enough....And if I let that happen, what will happen? Well, I will tell you... LOL That will take time away from what I have been busting my butt for... My business..

I am a VERY determined, focused and goal oriented person. I plan on being home full time and running my business soon enough. If I allow myself to get mixed up in a relationship, I will then have my focus taken away from my goals... And I don't want to do that. I have worked too hard to let that happen. I still can't believe that I took last Friday night off... LMAO

Now, this guy I met, (let's call him Jeff since you already know his name )... LOL says that I am trying to push him away......As much as I would love to meet someone and be able to spend the rest of my life with that person, that's also how important it is for me to run my business and reach my goals..

If I were a single person with no kids, I would not be this way or feel this way. But everything I am doing is because of my kids.... I want my kids to be proud of me as a single mother raising them. They look up to me. I know they will inherit some of my traits. I just want to make sure they get the good traits.... lol I want them to be able to say when they are older that "yes, my mom had a hard time for awhile, but boy, look at what she has done for us now"...... And I want to know that I did it on my own, for them.

Now here is a man that wants to spend time with me and get to know me better.... Yet, I am making excuses, or just telling him that I am way tooo busy. I am trying not to lose my focus. And he can easily distract me...LOL Now we are planning on going out this Saturday night. We are taking my kids to the movies... ( even I like Shrek)... LOL

I think that also meeting a man that does not have kids is raising flags for me..... Only someone that has kids really gets it. So many things I have said in the past (b4 kids) I said I would never let them do or behave a certain way and now that I have kids, they do behave or act that way. The way I said I would never let my kids behave... LOL It's just different when you have kids.

So, could I be pushing him away ? And if I am, am I pushing him away for the right or wrong reason?

Sunday, June 3, 2007


Ok, I am sorry for taking this long to give the update on what happened. I called my boss on Tuesday morning and told her that I was quitting. She sounded surprised and then asked me why. I told her that I did not appreciate the way she was speaking to everyone and that I was tired of coming to work, feeling like I am walking on egg shells. She said that she had no idea I felt that way.

Now, in a way I do know that I have an advantage. I am the only person that can handle this one certain account. I've been involved from the very beginning. My boss even called me at home one time asking me a question about it. I believe that in whatever job field you are in, it is good to make yourself a little harder to get rid of. I just mean go the extra mile and learn what everyone else does not want to learn, that way you do become as asset to your employer.

Anyways, my boss was trying to tell me that my work was never in question (which I already knew that) and that she would miss me and wondered if I was doing the right thing. I told her I did not know but that she just needed to be nice to people. I did mention that she may want to check into management skills.... She got upset with me and told me that I did not need to insult her after I quit on her.

As I was sitting there after hanging up, I was wondering if I made the right choice. See, I am only considered part time and do not qualify for vacation, paid time off or anything.... Child support sent a letter to my employer informing them to take medical insurance out on me and my kids that would total $541.00 a month. Well, that's half of my income. I told my employer that if they did that, I would have to quit. There is no way I can live on $550.00 a month with my two kids. So, my employer did work something out for me. They cut my hours back to part time because they don't offer insurance for part time employees. So that's where I have been. And I am thankful that they did that for me, but I also lost all vacation and paid time off..... So I'm sitting there realizing that I had just quit my job and unsure of what I was going to do if this company did not want me that I was looking at.

My boss called me back a few minutes later asking for my ID card... I told her that I could mail it or drop it off... It went silent for a few seconds. I started thinking about that account I handle, how it was due out that very day... My boss asked if there was anything she could say to change my mind. I told her when she could say that she wanted me there and would be nicer, then I would come back... For a split second I felt that I had the advantage, but I did not want to push it either. After all, I did quit and had nothing to fall back on for sure. My boss said it.... She said " I don't want to lose you, will you come back and we can talk" ? I told her I would be there. Yes we talked and I know it's not permanent. But I do still have a job and she knows what I expect.

So I left work early to go and be interviewed by the temp agency. Wow, I have never been on 77 alone before.... LOL I made it and was kind of proud. I went inside and filled out a bunch of papers and waited with some other guy in the waiting room. I remember looking at him a couple times, thinking to myself how he was pretty cute. But could'nt really be interested in me. He was just being polite. I had mentioned that I was not sure how to get back home. And he offered to have me follow him back to 480 where I knew my way from there. We laughed and I told him I could handle it, that I would get home sometime... LOL He said that if he was still around when I got done, I could follow him.

I was done being interviewed and walked out into the waiting room. No sign of that guy... Ohh well, I thought... I will find my way home. As I was entering the parking lot, a blue truck pulled up behind me. It was that guy. He asked me how it went and I told him pretty good. He asked if I wanted to follow him and I said sure. I got into my van and followed behind.

OK, now to know me is to love me.... LMAO..... I am a friendly, outgoing person. You can plop me in a room full of strangers and I will liven it up. But when it comes to men, I am a little shy. I have NEVER approached a man. I don't behave this way. But I could not believe what I was about to do....

So I'm driving behind this guy, thinking to myself, what if I write my number down and drive past him really fast... If he calls, Great! And if he does not, then I did not lose anything... He will just think I am psychotic.... LOL

I switched to my left lane that way he was on my right side and I did find a marker and paper. I wrote my number down. I put the paper down a couple times thinking I could not do it. And then one last time I picked the paper up and drove right next to him. I held the paper up to the window and he pulled out a cell phone and I seen him entering my number (or he could have been pretending, I thought). I quickly became embarrassed and waved good bye and floored my gas pedal to get out of there... LOL

By the time I picked my daughter up and got home there was two calls from this guy. I could not believe it. I called him back and thanked him and we talked for a long while. It was a nice talk and we had alot in common.

The next day I had the interview with the company. I was mistaken about the company I thought it was. But that's ok. This is a real good company. And I was told that I would be moving to a closer facility if they decide to hire me. I think I have a pretty good chance too. So keep your fingers crossed for me.... LOL

Friday night is when I had a date with Jeff. We decided to go to the movies. But my babysitter could not get here in time so we ended up just hanging out here and socializing with a bunch of people in my neighborhood. We all just sat around, talking and relaxing. And I will say it was pretty nice. I don't get to relax that often. Between going to my day job and my kids and my own business, relaxing is a foreign word to me... LOL

Alright, that's the scoop right now. I will be back to share some more.... Have a great weekend and I am off to do some work on my own business....