And the countdown is on.....

So, I have less than 2 hours to be ready. Jeff is coming over and we decided to take the kids to the movies. Yes, we are going to see Shrek....LOL I like Shrek.

I am a little nervous since my kids will be involved on this date. My son does not like me dating and my daughter really has not seen me date. Having a male friend over is one thing but this is a true date with my kids, as well.

I have not heard from the company that I was interviewed for.... So, I assume they found someone else. I just tell myself that I am where I am supposed to be then.

My business is growing strong and I can't wait until I am here full time.
Ok, that's all I have for now. I hope everyone has a great night. I'm sure I will...........

Am I really pushing him away?

Ok, so this is where I'm at..... When it comes to my home business, I am the bomb. I love it and I am good at it. But when it comes to relationships, men in general, I have been out of the loop for a little while. LOL And I have it that way on purpose.

See, I know how relationships work. You meet some one and get all caught up in the moment, and you can't talk to each other enough and see each other enough....And if I let that happen, what will happen? Well, I will tell you... LOL That will take time away from what I have been busting my butt for... My business..

I am a VERY determined, focused and goal oriented person. I plan on being home full time and running my business soon enough. If I allow myself to get mixed up in a relationship, I will then have my focus taken away from my goals... And I don't want to do that. I have worked too hard to let that happen. I still can't believe that I took last Friday night off... LMAO

Now, this guy I met, (let's call him Jeff since you already know his name )... LOL says that I am trying to push him away......As much as I would love to meet someone and be able to spend the rest of my life with that person, that's also how important it is for me to run my business and reach my goals..

If I were a single person with no kids, I would not be this way or feel this way. But everything I am doing is because of my kids.... I want my kids to be proud of me as a single mother raising them. They look up to me. I know they will inherit some of my traits. I just want to make sure they get the good traits.... lol I want them to be able to say when they are older that "yes, my mom had a hard time for awhile, but boy, look at what she has done for us now"...... And I want to know that I did it on my own, for them.

Now here is a man that wants to spend time with me and get to know me better.... Yet, I am making excuses, or just telling him that I am way tooo busy. I am trying not to lose my focus. And he can easily distract me...LOL Now we are planning on going out this Saturday night. We are taking my kids to the movies... ( even I like Shrek)... LOL

I think that also meeting a man that does not have kids is raising flags for me..... Only someone that has kids really gets it. So many things I have said in the past (b4 kids) I said I would never let them do or behave a certain way and now that I have kids, they do behave or act that way. The way I said I would never let my kids behave... LOL It's just different when you have kids.

So, could I be pushing him away ? And if I am, am I pushing him away for the right or wrong reason?

Update

Ok, I am sorry for taking this long to give the update on what happened. I called my boss on Tuesday morning and told her that I was quitting. She sounded surprised and then asked me why. I told her that I did not appreciate the way she was speaking to everyone and that I was tired of coming to work, feeling like I am walking on egg shells. She said that she had no idea I felt that way.

Now, in a way I do know that I have an advantage. I am the only person that can handle this one certain account. I've been involved from the very beginning. My boss even called me at home one time asking me a question about it. I believe that in whatever job field you are in, it is good to make yourself a little harder to get rid of. I just mean go the extra mile and learn what everyone else does not want to learn, that way you do become as asset to your employer.

Anyways, my boss was trying to tell me that my work was never in question (which I already knew that) and that she would miss me and wondered if I was doing the right thing. I told her I did not know but that she just needed to be nice to people. I did mention that she may want to check into management skills.... She got upset with me and told me that I did not need to insult her after I quit on her.

As I was sitting there after hanging up, I was wondering if I made the right choice. See, I am only considered part time and do not qualify for vacation, paid time off or anything.... Child support sent a letter to my employer informing them to take medical insurance out on me and my kids that would total $541.00 a month. Well, that's half of my income. I told my employer that if they did that, I would have to quit. There is no way I can live on $550.00 a month with my two kids. So, my employer did work something out for me. They cut my hours back to part time because they don't offer insurance for part time employees. So that's where I have been. And I am thankful that they did that for me, but I also lost all vacation and paid time off..... So I'm sitting there realizing that I had just quit my job and unsure of what I was going to do if this company did not want me that I was looking at.

My boss called me back a few minutes later asking for my ID card... I told her that I could mail it or drop it off... It went silent for a few seconds. I started thinking about that account I handle, how it was due out that very day... My boss asked if there was anything she could say to change my mind. I told her when she could say that she wanted me there and would be nicer, then I would come back... For a split second I felt that I had the advantage, but I did not want to push it either. After all, I did quit and had nothing to fall back on for sure. My boss said it.... She said " I don't want to lose you, will you come back and we can talk" ? I told her I would be there. Yes we talked and I know it's not permanent. But I do still have a job and she knows what I expect.

So I left work early to go and be interviewed by the temp agency. Wow, I have never been on 77 alone before.... LOL I made it and was kind of proud. I went inside and filled out a bunch of papers and waited with some other guy in the waiting room. I remember looking at him a couple times, thinking to myself how he was pretty cute. But could'nt really be interested in me. He was just being polite. I had mentioned that I was not sure how to get back home. And he offered to have me follow him back to 480 where I knew my way from there. We laughed and I told him I could handle it, that I would get home sometime... LOL He said that if he was still around when I got done, I could follow him.

I was done being interviewed and walked out into the waiting room. No sign of that guy... Ohh well, I thought... I will find my way home. As I was entering the parking lot, a blue truck pulled up behind me. It was that guy. He asked me how it went and I told him pretty good. He asked if I wanted to follow him and I said sure. I got into my van and followed behind.

OK, now to know me is to love me.... LMAO..... I am a friendly, outgoing person. You can plop me in a room full of strangers and I will liven it up. But when it comes to men, I am a little shy. I have NEVER approached a man. I don't behave this way. But I could not believe what I was about to do....

So I'm driving behind this guy, thinking to myself, what if I write my number down and drive past him really fast... If he calls, Great! And if he does not, then I did not lose anything... He will just think I am psychotic.... LOL

I switched to my left lane that way he was on my right side and I did find a marker and paper. I wrote my number down. I put the paper down a couple times thinking I could not do it. And then one last time I picked the paper up and drove right next to him. I held the paper up to the window and he pulled out a cell phone and I seen him entering my number (or he could have been pretending, I thought). I quickly became embarrassed and waved good bye and floored my gas pedal to get out of there... LOL

By the time I picked my daughter up and got home there was two calls from this guy. I could not believe it. I called him back and thanked him and we talked for a long while. It was a nice talk and we had alot in common.

The next day I had the interview with the company. I was mistaken about the company I thought it was. But that's ok. This is a real good company. And I was told that I would be moving to a closer facility if they decide to hire me. I think I have a pretty good chance too. So keep your fingers crossed for me.... LOL

Friday night is when I had a date with Jeff. We decided to go to the movies. But my babysitter could not get here in time so we ended up just hanging out here and socializing with a bunch of people in my neighborhood. We all just sat around, talking and relaxing. And I will say it was pretty nice. I don't get to relax that often. Between going to my day job and my kids and my own business, relaxing is a foreign word to me... LOL

Alright, that's the scoop right now. I will be back to share some more.... Have a great weekend and I am off to do some work on my own business....

I need to take a stand against the monster...

Ok, so this is my plan. I am going to wake up and get my kids ready for school and preschool. I will then call my boss and let her know that I quit my job. Now, maybe I am doing wrong by quitting over the phone but to know the company I work for, they do things shady as well....Let's take holidays for example. We really don't get the holiday off. They make us come in on Saturdays to make up for the holiday... And to top that off, we only get paid straight time because we need to physically be there 40 hours.... The paid holiday is not counted since we are not physically there. So they get us for 48 hours, straight time.

Now I am the only person that can handle this account we have. I have been working on it since they day we received it. Even my boss is not sure of everything that is involved with this account. A part of me feels like I NEED to go to work and get the account completed tomorrow. But, I also want to prove a point.

My thought process on this is that my boss will ask me what is going on and why I want to quit. I will then explain how she treats people and that I will NOT accept it any longer. Now there is a part of me hoping that she will want me to stay and realize that she should not treat people the way she has. I guess that is what I am hoping will happen. However, I also know that I have nothing to fall back on right now. There is no definite job waiting for me. I will be meeting with a recruiter tomorrow about the really good position at the really good company. But that's not guaranteed.... So I am taking a pretty big risk here. At this point in my life, I feel that I am old enough to know how I want to be treated and if I'm not being treated that way, then I need to leave the situation.... Maybe that's why I have not dating lately. LOL

So, I will do what I said and let everyone know the outcome. I admit that I am pretty scared since I have nothing to fall back on. But I have been practicing my new line over this long weekend... " Would you like fries with that" ? LOL

Have you ever wished for more time?

Ok, so I needed to take some time and blog. So much has been happening lately and it's hard for me to keep up. My home business is picking up speed and time is one thing I wish I had more of. I remember wishing for my business to pick up and now it has... LOL

My day job is not going so well. This is the kind of job I just hate with everything in me. I am just another number there and I know it. There is no satisfaction at all. My boss is a monster. Now I'm not a mean-spirited person but I have to say I have not met anyone like her. Yet, she really wonders why she has no friends (female) and why people think the way they do about her.

In a recent meeting that we were all in, she told all of us that we needed to sit down, shut up and key. That was a turning point for me. I would never speak that way to anyone and I find that tone unacceptable. I would not let my friends or kids speak to me that way, and I love them. So why would I let her speak to me that way ? I then decided to start looking for something new and get out of there. I need my home business to build up some more before I can come home and run it full time.

So, I updated my resume online a couple days ago. And that very day I received a phone call from a recruiting company. They shared my resume with a company that wants to meet with me. They told me enough about the company for me to put it together and realize who the company is. I can't say yet, but as soon as I am accepted, I will then announce here who the company is. I am soooo excited. This is a real opportunity for me to progress, still have time to work my home business, take care of my kids and make dreams come true for us....

I realize that for alot of moms that are already home full time running a business, they have one advantage over me. And that is time. I may still be working a full time job outside of my house, but I feel I am like most of the single moms out there. We do have a full time job and we work our dream business in the evenings and weekends.

It is the moms that have determination, dedication and passion to fulfill their dreams and succeed. You need a strong WHY in order to achieve. If your why is not stronger than your tiredness, excuses to take a break or thought of giving up, you will not succeed.

For All Mothers.

For All Mothers
This is for all the mothers who froze their buns off on metal bleachers at soccer games instead of watching from cars, so that when their kids asked, "Did you see my goal?" They could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who have sat up all night with sick children in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Meyer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's OK honey, Mommy's here."

This is for all the mothers of Kosovo who fled in the night and can't find their children. This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see and for the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes and for all the mothers who don't.

What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it heart?

Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes you from sleeping to dread, from bed to crib at 2 a.m. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

Is it the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a school shooting, a fire, a car accident, a baby dying? I think so. So this is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the mothers who wanted to but just couldn't.

This is for reading "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then reading it again, "Just one more time". This is for all the mothers who mess up. Who yell at their kids in grocery store and swat them in despair and stomp their feet like a tired two year old who wants ice cream before dinner.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started to school and for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead. For all the mothers who bite their lips (sometimes until they bleed) when their 14 year olds dyed their hair green.

This is for all the mothers who lock themselves in the bathroom when babies keep crying and won't stop.This is for all mothers who show at work with spit-up in their hair and milkstains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

This is for mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot. This is for all mothers whose heads turn automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home or are grown.

This is for mothers who put pinwheels and teddy bears on their children's graves. This is for all the mothers whose children have gone astray and who can't find words to reach them.

This is for all the mothers who sent their child to school with a stomach ache, assuring that they would be just FINE once they got there, only to get a call from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up right away.

This is for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation. And mature mothers learning to let go. For working moms and stay-at-home moms. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money and mothers without.

This is for you, so hang in there. The world would be a terrible place without the love of mothers everywhere. You make it a more civil, caring and safe place for the precious children in our world....

Author Unknown

Why I worry about her...

I worry about my little girl. I'm not saying that I don't worry about my son because I do. But my little girl is in a different situation than my son. My son knows his dad and they see each other quit often. They have a close relationship and it shows with him. My son is surrounded with love everywhere. From both sides of the family.

My daughter on the other hand, has it harder. It's more difficult for her. She has met her biological father a few times. But there is no close relationship there. And believe it or not, I can see it in her. She is lacking in a department I know nothing about.

I am told that I was my dads little girl. Yet growing up, I never felt it. And to this day, we are not a close family. I will say that I am super close to my Grandma and my brother. I just started talking with my parents a couple years ago. And I think it is because of my kids that I decided to take the wall down a little. Let's just say that I have forgiven, but it's still hard to forget. I did not have a NORMAL childhood and I am ok with that now. But it took a long time to get there.

Like I was saying. I worry about my daughter. As a grown woman, I can see in her what I was lacking as a child. And that was a father. My daughter is almost 4 now and the only consistent male role model for her has been my sons father. Somehow, he became fond of her and she became fond of him. Every time he would come to pick my son up, she would get all excited. She still does. He would take the few extra minutes to hang around and play with her. Make her smile and giggle out loud. Before I knew it, holidays would come and he would think of her and pick her up something. My son and my daughter love each other sooo much. And she hates it when he leaves. Then I started noticing that my daughter began calling my sons father, daddy. Ohh, how confusing this must be for her, I keep thinking. But she hears my son call him daddy, so she thinks she should. He has no problem with it at all... As a matter of fact, I have seen his face light up when she calls him daddy. He has even asked me if this would change if I were to get back with the father and I told him that I was her mother and nothing would change if he did not want it to. I think we both wanted reassurance. He wants her in his life and I want what is best for my daughter. And so far, he has been consistent.

I'm in a place I have never been before. I have one father that loves his son and another father that has not and won't take the time to know his daughter. Do I continue letting her call him daddy, even though he's not? She is very aware that she has two daddies. She has even said it. Do I break ties off between them completely ? Will that do more damage? She knows him as daddy. I know as a little girl what I did not have. And I want my daughter to have that closeness with a male role model. Someone to look up to and teach her the things that only a man can. I just want my daughter to be happy and healthy. Have I allowed something to happen that should not have ? So many questions and very little answers. This is why I worry about her......

About Single Moms !

If being a mother is a labor of love, then being a single mother requires double the labor and double the love. Without a father around, single mothers have to give twice the hugs, twice the affection, and twice the attention, with half the time, half the energy and often, half the resources.
Just about everyone knows a single mom. The U.S. Census Bureau says almost a third of all U.S. children are being raised in a single-parent home headed by a woman. But do we ever look beyond the statistics and think about what it really takes to parent without a partner?
Some of the highest hurdles single moms face are financial, the day-to-day challenges of meeting basic needs. Only half the mothers due child support get the full amount; 25 percent get nothing at all. Therefore it’s not surprising that almost 50 percent of single moms and their children live in poverty, compared to eight percent of families with a married mom and dad.
And whatever your opinion of single motherhood, most women who are single parents probably didn’t set out with that as a goal. Divorce accounts for 46 percent of all single parent households, unwed mothers 25 percent, marital separation 21 percent, and death of a spouse seven percent. But no matter why a mother is on her own, we need to encourage these women and the 14 million children living in their homes.
We should all consider how we can make the day in and day out job of single parenting easier. If a single mother also works outside the home, her mom duties resume as soon as she walks in her front door. Want to see her face light up? Fix dinner for her family and have it ready when she arrives.
Childcare demands are also tougher when it’s only mom doing the picking up and dropping off for ballet, baseball, or band practice. Find out who the single moms are among your children’s circle of friends, and see if you can take some of their taxi duty. Perhaps you can help a single mom by mowing her yard, running an errand for her, or washing her car. You can even get your own children involved. In the process, they’ll learn lessons in kindness, hospitality, and giving.
If you really want to make her day, offer to watch her kids while she spends an evening with a friend or a relaxing day at the park or beach. It’s tough being a single mother and not always easy to ask for help.
So on this Mother’s Day, think about the challenging ways that single moms’ lives are different from other mothers’. Then think about how they are the same. All mothers have hopes and dreams for their children, but single mothers have to do their hoping and dreaming alone.
Mark W Merrill is president of Family First, an independent, non-profit research and communications organization dedicated to strengthening the family.
© Mark W. Merrill. All rights reserved.

I was the roller coaster queen...

Ok, it's that time of the year when I take my kids to this huge indoor amusement park. They advertise this for about a month on tv and I'm sure that it drives all the moms just as crazy as myself. LOL

Back in the day, (many days) I was the roller coaster queen. I remember going to Geauga Lake with my friend Lori and her family. We stayed all day and night until closing. And we did nothing but get on roller coaster after roller coaster. And all the rides that would spin and throw you around were the best. The more nauseous, the better.

My how things have changed. And I noticed it after I had my son. I took him to his first carnival. I stood in line for the merry go round. As I was waiting in line, watching the kids on the ride, I started feeling a little queasy. I remember thinking that maybe I needed to get something to eat. I grabbed my son and held him while we slowly started moving around in a circle. We began picking up speed and I began feeling really sick... LOL I remember hearing these stories from other women and it was then that I realized it was happening to me as well.

Let's fast forward a few years to last year, 2006. I took both of my kids to this same indoor amusement park and there I was, looking at little baby rides for my daughter and feeling all the motion sickness from just standing there watching these rides everywhere go round and round. It was official, I had changed.... I was no longer the thrill queen that loved to spin around. I could not even watch a merry go round anymore. I was getting older.... LOL

So here it is, 2 days to go and I am taking the kids back to this amusement park. So while my kids are out there being the thrill seekers that they are, I will be sitting on the sidelines with a paper bag in my hand... LMAO...

Did you ever have one of those days?

Sometimes, especially after a day like today, I find I am asking myself, " And I want to be a work at home mom, because......." ? LOL. My daughter was like a sneaky cat all day. Jumping off the couch to the table, to the chair and then pouncing on me every time I would walk past her. My son, must have bumped his head and thought it was football season (indoor) and would tackle me down every chance he got. (yea, I thought I would be easy on him)... By 10:00 a.m. I was ready for a nap....LOL

They would start out so loving to each other. Wanting to play and be together. And as fast I could blink my eye, they were like little terrors to each other. She would and come and tell on him because he was looking at her and then he would come and tell on her because she blinked at him . Uugghhhh !!! Later, my son wanted to go over a friends house. And I had told him no since he was giving me a hard time with everything. I could not believe what I heard. He looked at me and said " if you let me go, I will be good the rest of the night". Well, this was not a good deal for me since he only had 70 minutes before he went to bed. So, I had to sit down and have a little talk with my dear son and explain how I don't negotiate behavior. As for my daughter, she tried the same thing again tonight. Something new that she learned. She has figured out that right as I am getting her in bed, that's when she decides that she needs to go potty, make sure the front door is closed, decide what shoes she is wearing the next day, changes her clothes one last time, and then, yes, I have to give her however may hugs, kisses and high fives... It makes for a long night when she wants 20 hugs, 10 kisses and 100 high fives... LOL

Today, I accomplished alot with my business, in between breaking up the fights, cooking, cleaning and having quality discussions with my kids as to why they are not allowed to run the neighborhood like "little Johnny" down the street. All in all, it was a productive day.